If you just adore “Fifty Shades of Grey” for the love of GOD…GO NO FURTHER! Exit Stage Left. Cya another time.
That being said; We all know what today is right? Unless you’re living under a fuckin’ rock you’ve known for several days that TODAY is RELEASE DAY for the “Fifty Shades of Grey”…trailer. Yep. The trailer. This movie ain’t coming out until Valentines Day 2015. This is going to be worse than sitting through months of Linda McMahon’s Let-Me-Buy-Your-Vote barrage. That was a nightmare…twice! You old timers were here to hear me bitch over it. Personally I think I’m going to be forced to sit through this for the next 7 months because Cast & Crew are trying to judge how badly it’s going to bomb and are trying to patch whatever things people most bitch about in various threads here on Ye Olde Internet. No, not this thread. Duh. But you know on sites like “Vanity Fair” or “E!” or places like that. Let’s call it Pre-Damage Control for lack of a better term.
I’d rather sit through”Seven” seven thousand times back-to-back than have to sit through that trailer one more time. I’m really gonna hate that Beyonce song by the time this is over and I kinda liked it. Bummer.
First off; I gotta hand it to you guys and gals! I really do. Only ONE person threw the trailer out to my FB feed. One. I love you guys and gals! Woot! Good for you! You have taste and intelligence. BUT because of that I was forced to go to Yahoo! to find the link and watch the stupid thing. I gotta say given my age and the authors I grew up with, the trailer is about all I want to see of this movie.
Sober that is.
So, secondly, I was discussing this idea with a FB friend and I think I would like to extend the following invitation to all of my FB friends who did not pollute the Internet with the news that this…thing…is releasing in 7 months(!).
Whenever “Fifty Shades of Grey” hits the $5.00 bin we should have a party. A big big party. What do you think? I can certainly wait until the Blu-Ray hits the $5.00 bin at Best Bud (I’m thinking some time around the end of…what…May? June?) and I hope you can too.
Here’s the deal.
Men and Women are welcome but the men have to behave themselves. Less is more here guys. If you just hang back and watch you’ll not only have fun you’ll probably learn a lot as well.
Everyone must drink. Male or female you must drink. If you are not a drinker you may not come to the party.
Keys get left at the door you will undoubtedly need a sleeping bag and your favorite pillow.
As we watch the movie every time someone does, says, wears (oh yeah wears), something terribly cliché/tacky/stupid (think blonde-twists-ankle-in-horror-movie type of thing)…we have to drink. No qualms. Just drink. I mean, c’mon, we should have to drink every time their names get said; Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel? Really? That’s as good as Clara Thornheart or Millie Goodheart not to mention my personal favorite, Drew Blood. WTF? If those names alone don’t indicate to you just how schlocky this is nothing will. Then again maybe you were unfortunate enough to be born after 1975 or something. Those of you who remember and love the 60s and 70s you have every reason to laugh your ass off at this stuff.
So you better bring some booze too cuz we’re gonna get hammered by the time this is over. If you’re not totally blotto by the end of the night I’ll kiss you, how’s that? (Line forms to the left ladies first…the women just went ‘what?’ and the guys just went ‘yeah!’…LOL)
Unlike in a movie theater, we get to say whatever we want as loudly as we want during the film whenever we want to say it.
We will freeze frame at appropriate moments and fast-forward/rewind/fast-forward at other appropriate moments. We will do this until we either make it to the end or we decide we just can’t take it anymore…at that point we’ll take the Blu-Ray to the outdoor hearth and burn it. That and one last shot will end our evening.
Does that sound like a party or what?
RSVP to firstname.lastname@example.org ASAP :)
Where the hell is Benedict Arnold when you really need him???? I’m tellin’ ya we gotta work harder on this séance thing. It’s the only way to save this town anymore; burn it to the ground and start over. Maybe purification by fire will get rid of all the bad ju-ju that’s so prevent around here. I don’t know for sure, of course, but at this point I am willing to try absolutely anything.
Most of you remember my lovely sidewalk, right? If not here take a gander The City of New London is an Absentee Landlord kindly keep in mind that post and those pictures are two years old so, ya know, nothing’s gotten any better on its own. In fact it’s decayed even further. Not that the City cares any about something…and someone…so small.
Any-hoo, last year we were informed that after FIFTY YEARS we were finally on “the list” to get new sidewalks! Yeah!
Yesterday, when we still hadn’t heard hide nor hair of said sidewalks my hubby called the City and was met by a man from the Public Works Department who came out to look at my sidewalk…most especially that crater at the end of my driveway. He wholeheartedly agreed it needs fixing BUT…no more money. Nope, we’ve run out of money. We’re no longer on “the list” for this year…maybe next year. Then I open The Day paper to read New London City Councils Oks Fund for Riverside Park to the tune nearly a MILLION DOLLARS.
Are you kidding me????
What are you no-loads on the City Council thinking??????
ARE you thinking? (that’s probably the better question)
We’ve dumped money into Riverside Park already. I’ve driven through it several times since and…no ones there! The place is freakin’ EMPTY. Got a nice new playscape and pretty flowers but, on the whole, it’s still a dump. I’m not interested in putting anymore money into it until those who own buildings around invent in their properties and fix them up. Does that sound fair? Why should the City continue pouring money into this project when the rest of the place looks like a demilitarized zone??? Meanwhile, you’ve got ‘The Hospital Neighborhood’ who puts up with crap load upon crap load of being dumped on by good Lawrence & Memorial Hospital, a neighborhood filled with hard-working TAX PAYING citizens and we get squat. As per usual. But if you don’t pay any taxes and you let your property go to hell this town will open up its coffers and give you the whole store.
The key to sprucing up “East New London” is NOT pouring money into Riverside Park. It’s making those who own property down there responsible for maintaining it. Who wants to go to a beautiful park that’s located in the middle of Shit Central? Seriously. Are we fixing this up so the heroin addicts will have a nicer place to shoot up? How good of us. Oh, no, that’s not why we’re doing it. Oh, is it so the drunkards have better benches to sleep on? How about so young lovers have a better place to leave their used condoms? It’s gotta be one of those reasons because it certainly isn’t doing this city any good as a whole.
Let’s not forget this is a piece of property which was almost sold to the Coast Guard. Yes, we had a referendum and we voted to ‘save Riverside Park’ but if you ask most people why they voted against selling the park you will get these two reasons; 1-the selling price was far too low and 2-it was definitely the wrong buyer. If ANYONE OUT THERE can find us someone willing to pay what it’s worth, develop it, and pay taxes every year you watch how fast we sell that steaming hunk. It’ll make your head spin. Why? Because we NEED the influx of serious cash AND the long-term investment that Uncle Sam wasn’t about to give us if we just handed it over to his greedy self. Yet the City in its infinitesimal wisdom took that vote as some type of mandate that the people wanted to “save” the park. Yeah. No. That wasn’t it dumb ass. These really are people who need to put their heads together to get up the smarts to lightly toast bread.
I got sidewalks no one can use. You can’t walk on my sidewalk. I watch people walk down the middle of the road all of the time because that’s SAFER than using the sidewalk. We got streets in horrible disrepair just terrible. Buildings that need fixing…you should see the inside of the Council Chamber…OMG? What a disaster area. But, yes, oh my Lord we must “save” Riverside Park.
How about we “save” our money and use it for projects that actually benefit long-term residents of the City? I know, that’s too difficult. So here. I say we find that better buyer, we sell the place off, then we use that money to build the Youth/Community Center this town has been talking about since before I was born. There. Problem solved. The kids have a safe place to play one that benefits the entire community and not just a small section of it and those who have been waiting HALF A CENTURY or more can finally get the service they deserve and have been paying for far too long.
Am I cold-hearted?
I don’t think so. I’m realistic and not a head-in-the-clouds dreamer. My neighbors and I keep up our properties and we pay roughly $4,000.00/year just to live in this town, don’t you think it’s about time we actually got something in return for our hard-earned money?
Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m getting my trash picked up on Thursdays. How about this? I’ll contract out my trash pick up to another company and keep my four grand. It’s got to be better deal for me than what I’m currently receiving which, in case you can’t tell, is the shitty end of a very long stick.
WE MADE IT! WOOT!
Man, if you’d asked me a week ago; “Is it gonna be ready?”
I would have said; “No fuckin’ way.”
I was still lost, dazed, confused, and hopelessly staring at the screen. It was that way since January. Finally on Sunday morning, very bright and early which is unusual for Pooh-Bahs like me…I went to the store and bought a pack of Kools. Yep. I did.
I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote from Sunday morning until just about 8 o’clock Tuesday night. I haven’t done that or felt like that since I quit smoking. It was freakin’ GLORIOUS! It was. I can’t tell you enough how I actually feel like me again. I walked around in a hazy funk since January unable to write any more than a sentence at a time and that was pushing it. Most days I just kept telling myself to fuhgidabudit. It wasn’t gonna happen. I suck. The story sucks (that remains to be seen, no reviews yet, duh, they only got the “ARCS” last night!) I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. I quit smoking. I’m eating healthier. I’m doing my Wii. I even got up the courage to go to the dentist and have my teeth fixed (lovin’ that! It’s the best thing I ever did for myself) so why the hell can’t I write!!! It was so frustrating. Of course, not being able to write stressed me out and my sex life suh-cked these last few months. I didn’t even have any interest at all. Zero.
Sunday morning I had enough. Hubby bought a whole pack of those Clint Eastwood cigars on Saturday at SailFest, he’s been smoking on and off right along I smell it in his truck. I got fed up. I’ve been telling myself for at least a month that I needed to buy a pack of cigs because they were only thing missing from my Writing Equation. I smoked two…got sick! My head was swimming my eyes were bulging I was bathed in sweat…I thought I was dying! THEN
BOOM! And….We’re Off!
It just poured out of me and I was helpless to stop it. More than that I didn’t want to. I was lit up like a Christmas Tree and firing on all cylinders. Come Monday night I was still writing at 9:30pm and I almost never write after hubby gets home from work. On Tuesday morning we were a chapter and a half away from ‘The End’ and I was on Cloud 9 totally unable to believe we were actually going to pull this sucker over the Finish Line right on time and not a second sooner…LOL. I even got several shades of the ending we had originally been going for. Very abbreviated but nice.
Yep, between Sunday morning and Tuesday night I wrote 50 pages. Before that I couldn’t write 50 words without feeling…blah…blek…ick. Now I wish I had been smoking the whole time because I know the story suffered because I wasn’t. It could have been much better and less disjointed. But, maybe just maybe, that sort of adds to the overall mood of the book. Maybe. We’ll see when the reviews start coming in.
I love the way it ends I know it could use a few tweaks and The Big Guy and I decided that maybe on Sunday we’ll go back and do a little flourish and fill on it. Other than that…it’s done, baby. E-books are up and running on Kindle and Smashwords, they should be on Nook by now but that thing really drags its butt. Over the weekend I’ll get it formatted for paperback and get that running too.
I was even able to add a small Afterword to it and a nice author’s bio complete with picture of Yours Truly. I can’t believe it came out as well as it did. I just kept hearing it in my head over and over….the announcer from the 1980 Winter Olympics excitedly saying: “Do you believe in miracles?”
Why, yes, Mr. Announcer Man…I do!
So I told my hubby that he was just going to have to put up with it. I intend to be back on my Blu by Monday with no other nicotine products but when I’m writing I’m smoking real cigs and that’s the name of that tune. He didn’t seem happy but after the incredible sex we had Monday night I don’t think he’ll argue too much either. ;)
There’s so much more to say–Kindle and Smashwords screwed me. Kindle let “Kingdoms” publish before it was finished and 2 people bought it. If they contact me I’ll send them the full copy. The same thing happened on Smashwords it let the “Complete OF WAR Series” kick early and one person spent $9.99 on it….not finished! It was only available for less than an hour before I caught the screw up. Then my web host contacted me and accused me spamming people they were going to take my site down! Right before the launch! GRRRRR At least I got that problem straightened out. I don’t even use the email associated with the site so how could I be spamming anyone from it? It was a nightmare. What a mess.
I intend to take the rest of the summer off from writing. I’m just going to enjoy this time, enjoy my deck and my plants, just recharge my batteries. Come Fall I got a few idears and we’ll start hammering them out then. Right now….I’m going to sleep. Sleep will be very nice.