Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be….
If you’re the mother of a boy, think of his future. No, wait, scratch that; Think of US. Please. I beg, don’t leave him home when you go grocery shopping. No matter how much he whines…drag his ass with you and make him help.
That is my Plea For Today.
After a long work week (more on that in another post) I dragged my own ass to the grocery store on my way home and did my thing. Geez, I can’t believe how expensive meat is getting! Seems like not too long ago I paid about $150.00 for the same cart that cost me $196.00 this afternoon. Admittedly, it’s not all food this time. Nah, this time we really needed laundry soap and it’s winter so need dryer sheets too or the static will be unbearable.
Any-hoo….I parked, I got my cart, I went down the Produce Aisle (first aisle in my local Stop & Shop) and was nearly mowed down by an older gentleman who wasn’t paying any attention…at all. He didn’t even stop long enough to nod or mumble ‘I’m sorry’, he just kept going. I got to the Produce Aisle and there was another man by himself trying to buy cucumbers, his cart is arms’ length away from him in the middle of the aisle. I finish the Produce Aisle, get to the Weekly Bargains Aisle (next aisle) some man nearly runs right up my ass with his cart then gives me a dirty look as though that’s my fault.
On each and every aisle I faced many men who had to no clue as to what they were doing. They were all older, by that I mean over 35-40, some ‘senior citizens’ but most not. They were all alone except for one pair that might have been father and teenage son. On each and every aisle I marveled at their ignorance, arrogance, and just plain idiocy. I wondered how they ever got this far in life without knowing The Rules of the Grocery Store. I’m tellin’ ya, if I didn’t work with a bunch of different men every single day I could have been damn pissed off by the time I left the store.
Gentlemen, please, this is grocery shopping. It’s not a NASCAR race. There are no trophies/checks/hot chicks for ‘finishing first’…there is no ‘first’. There is no ‘winning’ unless you do a lot of couponing. So, please stop acting like you’re banging the last left hand turn heading for the straight-away, ok? Treat it more like a leisurely Sunday drive down the back roads.
Oh, and yes, like those roads there are ‘lanes’ in the grocery store. Kindly, always keep the aisle nearest you on your RIGHT. Kindly do not block the through-way with your diagonally lying cart. Carts should be kept in the vertical position at all time and only approach horizontal when making a ‘U’ turn. Kindly make said ‘U’ turn after looking behind and in front of you. If there’s a bottleneck…equate it with a STOP sign…the person coming UP the aisle has the right-of-way, please keep to the right hand side until they pass you. In case you don’t know; the line of cash registers is the front of the store, all traffic headed that way is considered to be going ‘up’. All traffic headed toward the meat cases is headed ‘down’.
Tailgating is frowned upon, kindly do not roll your cart two inches from anyone’s ass, this helps to avoid accidental ‘rear ending’. When coming to the top or bottom of the aisle, stop, look both ways, then proceed. If traffic is approaching kindly wait until it clears before taking your turn.
When you do cause a little fender bender; stop, say ‘I’m sorry’, don’t give the other person a nasty look and keep on truckin’.
When in the Check-Out Line, huffing, puffing, and rolling your eyes will not make the line go any faster. Neither will your snarky comments. Kindly remain silent or make polite conversational small talk with those around you if they’re willing. If not, get a few chuckles out of the latest Trash Headlines while you wait.
It is considered good etiquette if you say ‘hello, how are you’, ‘thank you’, and/or ‘have a nice day/night/weekend’ to the cashier/bagger. Grunting at them is impolite.
Now, back to you ladies; if you have a father, brother, uncle, cousin, grandfather, and you’re aware they can’t navigate the grocery store with any proficiency and you know they are going….if you’re close by, think of the rest of us, then offer to go with them or for them.
In the end, it’s up to you mothers with young sons out there to take up the cause. Teach them young, teach them well.