As The World Turns
Ok, so, like, first and foremost we have already greatly established the fact that I am an idiot. Keep that in mind as you read my little entry. If you’ve ever seen “Don’t Say A Word” also please keep in mind that pivotal moment when Michael Douglas says; “She sees it in a mirror.” That’s exactly the way I ‘see’ things when I write.
Yesterday, we were cruising along coming up to our little battle scene with Ares and Athena taking on the Chinese Fleet. We were doing that because earlier in the story, as Raven’s starting Poseidon’s Trial and he rows out ‘past the Pillars of Hercules’ (keep that one in mind too!) he sees a fleet of Chinese Warships on the horizon.
For those of you already laughing….you can stop reading this entry now or risk spilling your coffee on your keyboard. No, I will not buy you a new one.
Ok, so we’re cruising, Raven goes off to ARES’ base to try to get control of his men while Ares and Athena go take on those warships. I want to set the battle in New York Harbor–or close by. The Big Guy keeps grumbling in my head, something about Hawaii and I keep saying something like; No, that’s the Japanese not the Chinese. But he wouldn’t let up. So I got to Google and I hit the Maps and type China to US.
Oh look, isn’t that…Hawaii?
Looks like the Chinese Fleet will be landing around LA or something.
We change directions, poof…we’re on the West Coast. I’ve got my trusty Google Translator open so Ares and the sailors can converse in fluent Chinese.
And, ahhh, by the way….
Shut up, I donwannahearit
So they’re on board and they start doing their thing and I stop. I wanted to watch the Red John episodes on Blondie and, very begrudglingly, The Big Guy let me. Hubby comes home, I make dinner (meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, salad, and cherry pie…yum), we watch some more TV and The Big Guy starts nagging me to get back to the story because we’re on a deadline. I give in. I hate writing battle scenes but he promised to make it short. He really wanted to do his God of War thing so we did that. Blew up the whole fleet we did! We got thunder, lightning, fire raining down from the skies, seas boiling…the whole nine yards.
I go up for a bath but I have to make the bed first. I’m making the bed and he’s talking to me.
You know we really have to fix this.
We can’t ‘fix’ it, its unfixable at this point. We either leave it in or take the whole thing out.
Look, sweetheart, really…
Don’t you ‘sweetheart’ me. Look this is fiction, it doesn’t have to add up. Besides, maybe they just went around or something.
Went around? Went around? Went around what? AFRICA? Then they sailed UP towards the Mediterranean Sea for sight-seeing because they weren’t in a hurry or anything and then….Do you even KNOW where Greece IS?
Shut…up! It has to be the Chinese, that’s it. I’m American we hate the Chinese so it’s China…THE END.
Oh my God! Go take a bath! Think about it!
So I got in the tub and I have to admit that yes, there’s probably no way Raven would have seen a fleet of Chinese Warship as he rowed through the Pillars of Hercules. I have to find another country with nuclear weapons that’s closer to Greece and in a spot where Raven would see them.
I get out of the tub. I pop the laptop. I start searching for countries with nuclear weapons. I hope the DOD never looks at my cookies! LOL As I’m researching, I’m suddenly getting these very clear and undeniable images in my head of….John Lennon? Yep, there he is with Yoko in their white suits in those black and white photos I love so much.
I keep hearing, way in the back of my mind,”The Ballad of John and Yoko”;
Finally made the plane into Paris
Honeymooning down by the Seine
Peter Brown called to say
“You can make it okay
“You can get married in Gibraltar, near Spain”
I actually started singing to myself as I was cruising for information; “Christ! Ya know it ain’t easy! You know how hard it can be. The way things are gooooooin’….they’re gonna crucify me.”
I find countries with nuclear weapons and I try to find a really good map because most of them just ignore Greece. I go back to Google and I’m about to type in ‘greek mythology pillars of hercules’ when I hear;
Just type Pillars of Hercules, ok?
What? Oh whatever.
So I leave out ‘greek’ and ‘mythology’ and am presented with The Rock of Gibraltar!
Motherfucker! That can’t be right! We’re in the Straits of Gibraltar? WTF?
You really need to go back to school
The way things are goooooin’….they’re gonna crucify me
Well, at least the pictures of John and Yoko made sense! LOL
Ya know, while you’re here, why don’t you have a look at THAT map?
Jerk. I click to enlarge the map and hang my head in utter shameful defeat. Between Greece and China lies; Turkey, Syria, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India and Nepal.
Oh, yes, I see they did it now. It’s so simple, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. The Chinese just set sail SOUTH, went past the Philippines, Vietnam, Malaysia, Indonesia, then kept going EAST, around the Horn of Africa and ALL the way up the African Coast to Gibraltar when they suddenly hung a quick left for the United States. So simple.
I hate you.
You love me now pick another country.
I was sooo frustrated and sooo pissed off by that time, I didn’t want to pick another country but I knew I had to. The great thing about using China is that it’s swiftly becoming ‘The New USSR’ so it’s an easily recognizable factor. One that Americans have almost instinctively come to hate. I needed another one of those but they’re not that easy to find in Europe. I had to have a country with a NAVY as well, a good navy, not some crappy navy. That left me with 3 options; England, France, and Germany. One was kicked off the chart quickly as being too whimpy. That left the other two. It was a tough choice between them. We hate France. It’s true. They hate us so it works out. They think we’re brash and we think they’re pretentious. Then there’s Germany and they’re always sitting on a back burner waiting to take over whatever they can. BUT I am German so…..guess who’s fleet it is!
Now I gotta go back, take out all of the Chinese and make it French. I may wait a bit on that because we may end up going with Germany, it is the stronger military country but it’s too far away from the original spotting sight. Raven would never see a German ship there unless he had totally awesome I-Can-See-For-Miles-And-Miles eyesight.
It has to stay France, which is still sorta whimpy and my husband laughed when I told him the French were attacking.
Christ, you know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be
The way things are going
They’re gonna crucify me