Author Archives: lbdarling
We actually did get the elliptical machine yesterday. Yep. We drove up to Occum, picked it up, the darn thing slid into the back of the Explorer like it was made for it. Didn’t have to take it apart or anything just tie down the hatch, that was it. The lady who owned it was very nice and the second I saw her I thought of my ‘Alena’. She had the most beautiful silver/white hair, smooth skin, and twinkling eyes. She also had a decent body…not that I was checking her out or anything but, still, I thought; I want to look like her when I’m her age. That’s why I’m buying this damn thing.
I was fortunate enough to get the price down from $400 to $300, hubby didn’t want to ‘deal’ but, why not? Why do we keep watching “Pawn Stars” and “Pickers” if we’re not going to learn anything from them? She was happy to accept the $300 just to get it out of her basement. As it so happens, we had $348.00 in the bank account. So….it’s like Fate wanted us to have it.
It really is. We’ve been looking for one for a long time and they were either way too expensive or way too huge. I always wondered how we’d get them home and if they would even fit in the room. When we saw this one
Well, as you can see, it’s a perfect fit for its intended space. By the end of the week we’ll find a TV to put on the desk. Hubby will hook up his xBox and my Wii to it, I’ll bring down my hand weights and my Thigh Master, we’ll finally have that nice little Game/Workout Room we’ve been wanting. Although it’s rather basic I suppose it’s also rather cool. It tells you how many calories you’ve burned, how far you’ve gone, what speed you’re traveling, how long you’ve been at it, and your heart rate. It also has settings for Weight Loss and Performance. If you use those then pretty much the machine takes over and you have to keep up with it or fall off.
We played around with it a little last night and then had tacos and watched “Star Trek”. I got up this morning determined to use it before sitting down here at Ye Olde Computer–I figure I’ll use it a few minutes every morning after hubby leaves for work and before I have to do the same then again when I come home. I got on it and heard;
OK, I know you’re not talking to me over the book stuff still but you ARE going to listen to me here, got it?
BUT he’s still the expert on the fitness subject. So I listen. We agreed to do 5 minutes, that’s it. 5 minutes. We’d do it at a nice pace.
Canter…I said canter.
I’m not a bleedin’ horse!
But, yes, that is what he said. A nice canter. So I started and the next thing I knew my right thigh was screaming the way it tends to do. I wanted to stop.
Sing along with John Foggerty, c’mon, ‘We’re goin’ up around the bend…’ No, don’t look at the timer, eyes up and forward.
So I sang along and I didn’t look down and my thigh kept screaming. Oh it hurt so much! Just that one spot too…weird, huh?
Hey! I thought we agreed on a slow canter, huh? You’re going too fast. Slow down.
It took a bit of effort, believe it or not, but I did slow down in a few seconds and got back down to that slow canter. Then I saw there was a minute and half to go before reaching the 5 minute mark and thought; Well, that wasn’t so bad.
Hummm, we’ll discuss again in another 90 seconds…keep going, nice and slow, even, keep an even pace, keep going.
He was right. I sooo wanted to quit right around the last 45 seconds! My thigh was killing me.
Keep singing, you got this, c’mon, ‘Doctor my eyes….’
With the help of The Big Guy and Jackson Browne I hit the 5 minute mark without stopping.
We went on to do 5 more minutes like that. Not too shabby. I had no illusions about doing a full half hour right off the bat, none. We’re not just burning calories and trading fat for muscle here, more than anything else, we’re building up endurance, which I sorely lack from having smoked so long. So singing while using that thing is really a huge help. It keeps me breathing whereas I have to tendency to hold my breath–I don’t know why–and the Big Guy doesn’t like it when I do that. So….I know it’ll be a week or more before I get up to that. When that happens and I start doing with it relative ease then I’ll use the Weight Loss settings and see what the machine does.
I had to walk around the first floor for a few minutes before I was allowed to sit down. I was chastised for reaching for a fresh cup of coffee right after getting off the machine, and suffered with my thigh still screaming. My legs were rubbery and right now my thigh tingles as though there’s ice on it. I have no idea why it’s just the front part of my right thigh when everything else about my legs feels just fine.
All I want is for my thighs not to touch. That’s all. Really. Honestly. It drives me fucking CRAZY! I HATE it! It even wakes me up in the middle of the night. The day I can see daylight between them again will be a Red Letter Day for sure.
We’ll get there 5 to 10 minutes at a time for now.
First off…Carina Press said ‘no’ to “The Heart” of War” this morning. I got the standard bullshit. I didn’t even open their email until 3 hours after I saw it in my box cuz gmail lets me see the first few words which were “Thank you”.
If YOU see ‘thank you’….you’re fucked. It’s over. Don’t even bother opening it. It’s a rejection. That goes for anything; book submission, resume submission, college submission…anything.
Yeah, this is where being more like my “Father” than my “Mother” comes in really handy.
Before I leave the subject of “Father”…I was treated to the longest, loveliest, most incredibly sensual version of
It just kept going and going and going sort like
Nothing else. Just a long, deep, wonderful, and quite lovely darkness. That’s it. Just Mark Knopfler’s voice. That’s it. All night. It was….wonderful…actually.
Let’s get to the meat of this particular entry….shall we?
It’s no secret that I’ve felt fatter than a whale and complete utterly mind-shatteringly unattractive this last year or more. It’s also no secret that I’m a lazy bitch. I would rather write than else in the entire world.
So yesterday I started with my Wii again. That thing really is incredibly FUN! It IS! I’m just fuckin’ lazy that’s all. Believe me that is something I did not want to admit to! I’ve never been an exercise freak or anything…Gym…I nearly failed it in high school. That’s mostly because of the ‘politics’ involved in Gym Class. It is a degrading nasty thing. It is. I’ve never been overly coordinated or my version of ‘beautiful’ although hubby keeps reminding me that I was so hot…
(How hot were you?)
I was SOOOOO HOT that nearly ALL of my hubby’s friends took a stab at fucking me. Wooing me. Wanting me and making it known.
That’s true. They did. They tried. Most failed.
Yes, I said ‘most’. Deal with it as you remember we are approaching our 28th Wedding Anniversary.
Any-hoo…after thinking myself outrageously fat, totally gross, and most unsexy, all this time…and believing that’s why my Lover of All Lovers (The Big Guy) abandoned me for some young hot chickie….I found it wasn’t true.
I’ve never named “the other author” and I never will but I’ve given you enough clues to find her if you’re of a mind to do so.
Today…I actually went and checked her out even though we are no longer ‘friends’ on Facebook.
She ain’t no skinny-minnie. In fact, she’s on the BBW side of life which I don’t believe, in my heart of hearts, The Big Guy finds ‘sexy’ in the slightest. I know…I know…I’ve repeatedly said within the stories that Alena–with her willowy frame– isn’t his type. He likes a ‘stouter’ woman. But I was just being kind. Honestly. I was just being nice to the, possibly, larger ladies in my reading audience. Mostly, I was referring more to a Lucy Lawless type of female body when she was ‘Xena’, which no one in their right mind would call ‘skinny’.
Or at least not an American Male…how’s that?
The “other author” can’t get a leg into my jeans.
(Does that make you happy, Moonie?)
Why, yes, yes, it does. Sorry if that’s vain or whatever. I beg your forgiveness on that one.
Wii still stays I’m ‘overweight’ and the ‘new’ slacks/jeans/pants I bought last time around are getting snug.
I am totally unhappy. I’m ready to just…well…
….Have a Cow, Man!
I can’t take it anymore.
If if The Big Guy really DOES like a ‘stouter’ woman…I can’t be it and still feel sexy. I can’t do it. Sorry. I was a size 3 for far too long. This size 10 going on 12 thing is REALLY going UP MY ASS SIDEWAYS!
SO…I bought a brand new herbal regimen while at Stop & Shop this morning. No, it doesn’t include any gimmicky products. I went back to MY roots of herbalism and paganism.
I will use that along with my Wii AND along with the….
I just bought…or WILL BE BUYING this evening. It was $400 on CraigsList but I got the seller down to $300 since it isn’t very ‘high tech’ or anything like that.
I bought because hubby brought the subject up last night. He said he’d noticed I hadn’t been very ‘happy’ lately and that he ‘didn’t care how I looked’ but it was obvious that I did. So we looked online last night after a nice evening at The Bulkeley House, we went for dinner and Live Entertainment. See? I AM trying to Act Locally lately. No more Olive Garden, Outback, or Longhorn Steakhouse. Each of which was really lousy the last time we went anyway.
I sort of ‘forced’ myself to use the Wii yesterday. I don’t know why. I really do like the tennis game and according to Wii, I am a ‘tennis pro’…LOL. Yes, I’m still very much ‘off balanced’ too! hahahahah
But getting the desire, the will, the strength, together to ‘work out’ is more difficult than it should be. Weird. Especially once you consider than when I do start I don’t want to stop. But the voice in my head that says ‘you’re a fat bitch now’ or ‘you’re too old to be sexy’ wins out more often than not.
As ‘Vivian’ once said; The Bad Stuff is Easier to Believe.
I look in the mirror…infrequently…but I did it today. I’m not HUGE. I’m not incredibly fat. Yet still, I’m not skinny.
You’re not 18 anymore or 25 or 30 or even 40.
That hurts. Do you know that?
I know He means it as a compliment. As a balm. Still it hurts far more than it soothes. I am a Child of the 70s and 80s. FAT was so NOT an option. We were ALL either Anorexic or Bulimic! End of Story. Personally, I was Anorexic.
I want to stay my version of sexy. I don’t want to be heifer like that “other author”. I want to keep actually DOING the things I write about and not merely fantasizing about them.
So later today I will bring home my new elliptical machine. We’ll put it in the budding ‘work out’/Xbox room and I’ll try again.
If I could just get down to a size 6 again…well…I know it’s vain…but I might actually WANT to write again. I might actually FEEL sexy/desirable again rather than trying to be comfortable with what I’ve become lie that “other author”.
Ya know..if he wasn’t a God…he’d never take her over me. Even now at my more advanced size of 10.
She’s FAT…ok? There I said it! I did! She’s a LARDASS!
Me? I couldn’t stand to turn into her. I couldn’t. I’m sorry if that offends you but I just couldn’t do it.
I’m going to bring home my new elliptical machine, get a new TV for the ‘spare room’, hook up my Wii to it, take my Ginseng with Royal Jelly, Acidophiles, and my Pepcid AC (good lord don’t forget that stuff! It’s AWESOME! It has more benefits than just acid reduction, yes it does. ) I’m going to keep working my ass off until I’m back to a 4-6. Until I feel sexy and healthy again.
That’s my goal. Not “eternal youth”. No. I have many gray hairs on my head and a bit lower. I have laugh lines and all out wrinkles. I wouldn’t trade them for anything but I would trade this tiny ‘spare tire’ to feel like a true vixen again.
If that offends you…sue me.
Quite often sucks! LOL
I’ve been making tons of changes over the last 24 hours and sort of, I dunno, “circling the wagons” I guess that’s a good way to put it. I’m doing several things just for my own sanity because I can’t take them one more moment! I really can’t.
I dumped a lot of people from my personal Facebook Page. If they were paying attention they got warning if not then they didn’t. I went through and dumped people I 1-didn’t know, 2-was never in contact with, 3- ‘friended’ me just cuz we’re both authors, 4-sent out more ads for their crap than you can shake a stick at.
I understand ‘networking’ and throwing the word out to Facebook. We all have to do it. I do it. I try to do it either in one big blast so I annoy the fuck out of people over the space of a single hour for promotional purposes. Then…I go away…for DAYS. But not them, it was a constant barrage of books and “buy me”. It was…depressing. Then it felt degrading. Then it became annoying. Then it was downright infuriating! And I wanted to grab my monitor, shake it, and scream: “Will you people just shut the fuck up!”
So…. I chucked that shit. I dumped people, pages, and groups that just sort of flooded me or annoyed me or whose work I didn’t freakin’ like anyway and I didn’t know why we were ‘friends’ except…we’re both authors.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t ‘unfriend’ ALL of the authors, bloggers, pages, publishers blahblahblah….I did keep some. I kept the ones who I’ve built an honest rapport with or whose posts I’ve just come to enjoy seeing in my feed. But, that’s what I wanted anyway. I want to use my personal Facebook page to stay in touch with friends and goof around and just generally be me. I don’t want to be bombarded by ads and promo 24/7. I have a Fan Page for that so I directed people to ‘like’ it, if they did then that’s great, we’ll bug the crap out of each other under our Fan Pages–which I vow to use more often, to ‘like’ things more often, and ‘friend’ more often, and to do the ‘group’ thing more often.
Yes, if you’re wondering, yes, oh my yes, the first author to go was the one who pissed me off and was the catalyst for something that was a long time coming. She was just the final straw. The bitch even has my initials. How do you like that? In fact, if you read her bio, you might think she was me. Kinda freaky and as disconcerting as it is enraging on so many levels. So yeah that’s where the very first blow of the ax fell. Yeppers.
Any-hoo….after going through a round of piggish piracy with an author friend who busts her ass just like me and gets damn little for it in the form of cash just like me. I belong to a few anti-piracy groups. I was always worked up and just itching for places to unload so….I took down ALL of the EBOOKS for the OF WAR Series. ALL of them. Everywhere. For the foreseeable future one can only purchase it in paperback. If “Kingdoms” ever does release it will be in paperback. That’s it for at least the first six months.
I also deleted my mailing list. So, if you were a member of that you aren’t any longer. I got the link off my site. I got the links to Kindle/Nook/blahblahblah off the main pages for each novel. “Christmas Eve on Olympus” has always been too short to put in print and it remains a $0.99 ebook on all retailers. I also unhooked Ye Olde Blog from Twitter, Amazon, GoodReads, FaceBook, and Google+. Oh yeah, and I pretty much deleted my GoodReads profile. I almost dumped my Twitter account altogether, I mean I don’t really use the damn thing cuz I don’t particularly understand it so….but it was saved. Why, I dunno.
Back to the ebooks and the piracy issue for a moment. I spent most of this afternoon looking at pirate sites and tracking down lists of pirate sites looking for my books. It seems I have a different idea of a “pirate site” then some other people. I don’t think a “cloud” or “driveway” type of site is actually a “pirate” site. I don’t like what they’re doing either but it’s hard for me to say that it’s ‘wrong’ for someone WHO PURCHASED a book to upload it to their stupid “cloud” and share it with their friends. I think it’s a bit shitty but I don’t think those people have ill intent. At least I like to think they’re just stupid/ignorant rather than malicious.
Then there are real Pirate Sites out there that simply specialize in ripping off the artist. There’s 2 kinds of them. The first does it FREE and the second wants you to PAY. So, you may not even know you’re downloading pirated copies of books! You may think it’s a legitimate site but it’s not. What balls on some people, huh? Big brass ones, baby.
I want to speak to thee individuals who frequent the first type of pirate site for a moment: We have bills just like you. We need to eat just like you. Our kids need shoes just like yours. So if you wouldn’t work for free, what gives you the right to expect me to do it? What…you’re cheap? You’re broke? You’re poor? Join the fucking club. We all like to get something for nothing but stealing is still wrong and illegal. When you stop to consider that the majority of us ‘sell’ our work for $2.99 or LESS and we’re very often found running contests, taking part in blog hops, and otherwise just GIVING IT AWAY…well what kind of dipshit does that make YOU? Honestly, grow up.
Thankfully, during my search today I didn’t find my books on a single site! No, I didn’t! Woot! For as often as someone hits this blog or my website by searching something along the lines of ‘lisa beth darling free’ or ‘heart of war free online’ or ‘heart of war free download’ and all of the rest I would have thought it would be in far more places. BUT I noticed something when I first started using Google to look for my books and myself that way; MY blog posts on this subject come up FIRST. So whomever comes in from something like that, the first thing they get is me in their face telling them what a self-entitled asshole they are.
BUT, as I searched and didn’t find, I started to become torn. I mean either I’ve done an awesome job locking down my books–which this last year or so I have but I was not always so careful and I’ve given away hundreds and hundreds of ebooks–OR…I do totally suck and no one will even download me for FREE! That sucks, huh? Yeah. It does.
So…if you should find any of my works on any type of “pirate site” I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know. I won’t make any judgments. I won’t ask why you were on that site. It’s not my business. Just, if you’re an actual friend or if you just like me some way, let me know so I can be aware. Be a pal, huh? Grease the Wheels of Karma, that’s always a good thing. AND I signed up for a “free trial” on a site that claims to search for books for you. The goal of this site is to help authors track down pirates. It will be interesting to see if it comes back with anything and if so, what.
The Big Guy and I have been talking. Well, we’ve been ‘having words’….not many good words either.
He says I’m too much like ‘my mother’.
I say I’m too much like him and he wouldn’t put up with me if the tables were turned.
He throws ‘Colonel Kevin T. Smith’ in my face.
Yeah. Right. Rethink, sweetheart, rethink.
Last night I dreamed I was in a castle. I was there on a bet that I wouldn’t spend the night because it’s haunted. Duh, I’ll jump at anything like that in Real Life so I did in the Dream World. I can remember looking at the heavy doors; monstrous and black with wrought iron re-enforcing them, they had to be twenty feet high. I walked in, some woman wished me luck and said she’d see me in the morning. I went to close the doors thinking they were going to be very heavy and hard to move but they swung exceedingly easily. I went to lock them but there was no lock and no crossbar. Then I saw two turnkeys embedded in the space between the doors and the jamb. They were brass and well worn. I thought they were strange but I turned them and the doors locked. I went walk further inside the old castle and suddenly heard the wonk-wonk of a truck horn, a big truck, a semi. I turned the turnkeys, I opened the door, there was a semi, red cab with black pinstripe and a white trailer. The headlights were very bright I raised my hand to my eyes and shouted out over the engine; “What do you want? You’re lost.” The driver leaned out the window and it took me a moment to realize who it was, he just sat there, chewing gum like a cow with its cud, staring at me from behind mirrored sunglasses. Then he smiled. He looked just a long haul trucker! Flannel shirt, baseball cap, needed a shave….totally weird.
Two things hit me at once; one, the dueling banjos from “Deliverance” and, two, the movie “Dual”. Both movies I HATE. They give me the chills. I never want to see them again. I don’t even like thinking about them!
He just kept smiling at me and chewing that gum.
I dashed back inside, I slammed the doors, turned the turnkeys and didn’t hear the engine anymore. I breathed a sigh of relief. Turned around and;
“Really? A door?”
I saw him for a split second, he dashed toward me, grabbed me…I don’t remember anything else.
Well, that’s all the News That’s Fit To Print.