Exercise is BAD for You


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Song of the Day!!!!

Yep, exercise should not be undertaken by anyone….so sayeth Aunty Moon.

Here it comes….

Over the last few weeks I’ve been ‘working out most ev’ry day and watchin’ what I eat’ cuz that’s supposed to be good for me as I fall into the decript stage of life. So….last night I was watching Law & Order up in bed and using my 5 lbs. weights to work my old arms. They say you should do each exercise in sets of ten but I don’t really agree.

That’s too slow for her

Yeah, fine, ok. It is. What His Majesty isn’t telling you is that along with being, well, just everything else that he is to me, he’s also the Personal Trainer in my head. Not that I could ever come up with a better person for the job. How ’bout you? Yep he’s the one who’s always saying things like….

Feel that?

or

Good! Good girl.

or

Keep your arms straight

or

Lift a little higher

or

C’mon! Squeeze it all the way together, don’t whimp out

or

C’mon, almost there. Just gimme…

(the ever lovin’)

ONE MORE

Yes, he’s the one who’s always telling me that I need to things in sets of 10. 10 of this. 10 of that. 10 of the other. Back to 10 of this…repeat.

I start off with 50.

Because she’s an impatient woman

Fifty curls, fifty lifts, fifty over the head, and, of course, fifty squeezes with the Thigh Master. I have discovered if I turn the thing around it fits nicely between my calves and I can use it that way too. Hey, man, I might get good thighs and legs again one day, it could happen.

Not at this rate

So I was doin’ my thing last night, watching TV and goin’ along my merry way. I got to the Thigh Master.

I LOVE watching you use that thing

Wise ass

Any-hoo….I do about 200-300 a night. BUT something happened last night. My thighs are SORE today. I mean they’re so SORE I could hardly have sex this morning cuz they just did not want to cooperate and, ya know….part ways…for a little bit. I can hardly walk there’s such a nasty pulling sensation in my upper inner thighs. I stumbled around Stop & Shop this morning. Well, stumbled’s not the right word it was more like…crawling. Yeah, that’s better.

10! Sets of 10!

He thinks he knows everything. Then again, if I’d listened maybe I wouldn’t be on the Injured List today?

Oh, could be.

Funniest thing is, my back almost feels better. Let me explain; my LEFT side always hurts…always, to some extent or another it’s always bugging me and it’s always swollen. Not today. Today, I can run my hand down my flank and actually feel the curve! Good deal. BUT…my RIGHT side is KILLING ME! WTF? It never hurts.

Oh bother.

Feels a little better now that I’ve been out and about and stretched it out but it was hard to stand up for a while there. I have come to the conclusion that, perhaps, as Danny Glover likes to say that I’m just; Too Old For This Shit.

Te-

Shut up, I will NEVER look like YOU

Oh yeah, that’s what I want; for YOU to look like ME…that’s attractive to a man, a woman with big arms and hairy chest! What man wouldn’t want THAT?

grumble, mumble, rabble, rabble

Any-hoo, I think I’ll take tonight off from exercising.

Bad idea

Yeah, whatever. I know, I know, if I skip tonight and let everything cool down like that it’ll hurt even worse the next time I do it. Somehow that fact doesn’t seem to ease the pain between my thighs. It feels like, hummmm, like I turned into Stretch Armstrong and some mean rotten nasty child pulled me so far out of shape I’ll never be right again. OR…any of you ever break off your Barbie’s leg? I mean the OLD Barbie, the one that had the rubber band inside the upper thigh to move the leg and not the one with the neat little notch that you could just snap it back in to if it fell off. Feels like the rubber band is on the verge of bustin’.

Perhaps advertisers are wrong? Perhaps Life is really like it was back in the Dark Ages when I was kid and, at a certain age, one has earned the ‘right’ to be soft in the middle. I like that idea better. My thighs don’t. But I do.

About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 02/12/2011, in Life. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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