I managed to NOT overeat yesterday!
No heartburn. No fire-burps. No feeling like a stuffed pig!
Yeah, I know, it’s a small victory but, at this stage I really have to count all of them that I can. I went to bed happy but not stuffed and managed to get some sleep. Spent most of the day yesterday on the couch in a daze just watching the pictures go by on the TV and not making much sense out of anything other than my personal favorite; Open the Envelope Maury! Yep, I can still blurt that out on cue so…no problems there.
Been doing my best to stay away from things that I know are triggers, things that will make me want to have a cigarette. Things like coffee. I love coffee. I made a half pot of decafe yesterday…terrible stuff…drank one cup then switched to diet soda, equally terrible but at least it’s thirst quenching. Well, no, it isn’t really, it’s just that another place I shouldn’t go just yet is the corner store where they will, undoubtedly, put a 2-pak of Marlboro Menthols in front of me when I check out. Yes, I know, I can say; “Oh, no thank you,” but chances are I might not. Even when I smoked (ha ha ha–don’t turn into a preachy-asshole if you make this, sweetheart) if I just went up there for soda and they put the cigs down, I’d buy them and take them home…even if I hadn’t gone there for them. Old habits die hard so….we had diet soda yesterday.
I have also stayed away from this machine. Oh, yeah, nothing makes me want a cig more than sitting right here.
Marlboro Menthols are a HUGE part of the Writing Process for me. If all is to go well there several things must be in place among them my hot steaming coffee, my cold drink, my bit of Toby, and my goddamn Marlboro Menthols! I can refrain from smoking pretty much everywhere else…but here. Here where I NEED to be and where I NEED to get my ass in gear and start making the Boyz in the Da Sweat Shop earn their goddamn pay!
This happens every time I try to quit. I get cock blocked by my computer. I brought the laptop down yesterday, it’s still in the living room. We’ll see if a change of machine and venue do the trick or if my brain is still diggin’ in it’s heels, laughing, sayin’; No fuckin’ way, bitch. Give me what I want and I’ll give you what you want. Until then…no can do.
If we make it we make it and if we don’t we don’t and we’ll just see how it goes. I stopped smoking for somewhere upwards of six months once and it must have been four months into that when I could get back down to the business end of writing and find my way into The Zone without nicotine. Yes, I know others write without smoking anything at all. I would like to hear from any writers out there who smoked for 20+ years, gave it up, and didn’t lose their Muse. All others…need not apply right now. Thanks anyway.😉
I keep taking deep breaths. This breathing-thing is rather enjoyable. I notice that my breaths are deeper, they don’t hurt as much, and I am already climbing up the stairs better and not fearing that I will be winded when I reach the top. These are all good things. My house is clean. Christmas is gone…mostly. I left one little tree and it can stay until January 2nd but then it’s gone. Laundry’s done. Dishes are done. If it were nice weather the grass would be done!
We really need soda now, we drank all of the diet stuff. I have to replace that and get new soda, a thing of cream would be good too. I switched to tea in the late morning through the early evening instead of coffee. I like tea, I often forget that fact but ‘Blondie’ has reminded me of it over the last few months. Since I don’t equate tea with smoking it works out nicely. Something cold at night is better so, I need to go buy some Sprite.
It’s a good thing they don’t sell Lucies up there or I’d probably get one right about now. Not that it would do me any good since I can’t smoke it HERE at my desk, behind my keyboard, at my monitor, where I need to smoke it. My kids will rat me out! LOL. Well, perhaps if I take my smoking apparatus and exchange it for a different method of delivery, I can trick myself into thinking it’s a cig. It usually does work to some extent and it has the added benefit of making me a very happy girl all day long!