I Cheat and I Don’t Regret It

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Ok fine, the Good Recovering Catholic in me is here to make Confession;

“Bless me, Oh Lord, for I have sinned it’s been….oh cripes….decades since my last confession. Oh my Lord God, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. These are my sins, Oh Lord, God, my God, please forgive me…

Amen ”

I have smoked 8 cigarettes since my last post and I couldn’t be happier!

I guess that qualifies me penitence for 4 Hail Mary’s and 3 Our Fathers…I’ll get started on those right away.

But…I won’t apologize for it. The Dam has Broken and I’ve been writing away for days! I’m so ecstatic I could dance on the moon!

Don’t get too excited, I have NOT been working on “Rising Son”. I don’t feel I’m ready to tackle that project just yet. However, I have been typing away and flying around in The Zone with regard to “Obsession”. Yep, I’ve been polishing it up and should have it ready for a Valentine’s Day release! It’s a novella, no more than 150 pages, so I won’t offer it in print, it’ll be “E-Book Only” but it’s a release and the Big Guy and I are back on really good terms.

I’ve been good, I haven’t had a cig here at my desk at my computer while I write. In fact, I’ve been stealing smokes here and there where I can. I’m hoping to break myself of the habit of having to have a cig burning next to me as I write, after that I’ll work on the rest. For now it’s all good. I have absolutely no urge to smoke past 3pm or so and very happily while away the evening without a care in the world.

A long time ago, a movie gave me a bit of advice; There are two types of people in this world, those who smoke and those who don’t. Find out which one you are and be that one.

I am a smoker. For good or ill, I am a smoker. This self-deprivation thing just does not sit well with me. Nope. Not at all. Life’s too short to deprive yourself of the things that bring you pleasure.

I am fortunate enough to be able to curtail my nasty life-threatening habit to 3-4 cigs per day. That’s not a horrible number. It’s one I can joyfully live with even if I have to suffer through it in 15 degree weather in order to indulge in it.

Because of it, this little ‘transition story’ is coming out hotter than I ever thought. That’s good because we’re keeping the ‘bleed’ or ‘overspill’ from actually spilling into “Rising Son”.

Oh man, ‘Eddie’ is nasty! This is going to be darker than I ever thought too. Kinda cool. I’m sure it will piss off the masses but that’s ok too. Helps us keep our ‘street cred’…hahaha.

Look for a nice excerpt from “Obsession” tomorrow for the Weekend Dirty Dozen Blog Hop and maybe a few more little tasty tid-bits until it release on Valentine’s Day.

For now the pressure’s off and I’m just going to be a Good Little Sinner and indulge my baser instincts for as long as I can! LOL

You are now free to bash me over the head for my failure and my weaknesses….go on…I can take it.

About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 05/01/2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Let he/she who is without sin, cast the first stone. Guess that lets me out.

    If you are not smoking while sitting at the computer, you are declaring victory over one aspect of your addiction. By breaking the computer/cigarette association, it will be easier to stop smoking all together when you are ready. Based on the amount of money you posted that you were saving by quitting, at 3-4 cigs a day, you are still saving butt loads of money & taking less of a toll on your health. So for that, I congratulate you on finding a solution to your dilemma that doesn’t make you crazy or kill off your muse. Stay strong & stay sane, or whatever passes for sane in your house.

  2. I know it took a few times for me to quit. What really helped was the medication Chantix. It allows you to continue smoking for the first week or so, and then quit. If you continue to smoke while taking it, it makes you very nauseated. I don’t think anyone who has not been a smoker knows how hard it is to quit. All you can do is try, or not. You are an adult, pay for your own cigarettes, and can choose to smoke or not.

    • I’ve stopped before and it’s never any fun. I’m sure, in a few months or weeks, I’ll try it again but for right now I’m happy. I hate walking around being grumpy and feeling stifled!

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