Random Thoughts


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This entry is apt to ramble and rant and not make much sense whatsoever so, if you’re of a mind, kindly click out now, I won’t be offended.

First up…Tebow. Guy drives me INSANE! I don’t have a problem with anyone expressing their religious views in a public forum so long as they’re not killing old people an eating babies BUT, if the man WAS SINCERE in his belief, don’t you think there should be a picture of him on his knees thanking his God for the massive dose of humility handed to him by Tom Brady and the Patriots???


Just sayin’.šŸ™‚

The thing that really kills me about his is hubris. Does he really think that God, any God pick one anyone, gives a rats’ ass about the outcome of his football game? If so, why? Personally I would think God has more important things to worry about. BTW, every other team has thought ‘God’ was on ‘their side’ too so that either means God does a lot of fence sitting or, I’m right, and He doesn’t give a shit. He’s probably tired of being called upon for such mundane things, don’t you think? Seriously, do you think ‘God’ laid a bet on the Broncos????

Yep….just sayin’.

Those of you who read here often can already tell what type of mood I’m in, hey?

Good for you nice folks!

We’re low on oil and have been since…well..forever.

(How come ‘God’ doesn’t fill my oil tank? Doesn’t He want me to be WARM?)

So I built a nice fire in the wood stove today, had a good one going over last weekend in the fireplace. I placed my order so 75 gallons should show up tomorrow morning at the grand total of (rounding up here but not by much!) $292.00! Oh well, I’ll blast the heat over the coming cold weekend and soak my old, tired, wrinkled ass in the tub for two hours at a stretch. Yes, I still have some of those yummy bath salts I received as a Christmas present from my friend, so I think I’ll put them to good use. In the meantime, I’ve got the wood stove going and, for the life of me, I can’t remember if one is supposed to leave the bellows/dampers OPEN at the bottom or closed in or to get maximum heat. I posted on FB but no one was of any help. Hubby called, told me to dial them down, and put water in the cast iron tea kettle on the top of the stove. I forgot about that but I know it helps keep the air ‘moist’. So far the fire’s raging but…little heat.

What else is new? LOL

I’ve been working with “Obsession” the last few days and getting discouraged. I sat here all day yesterday and the day before, looking at and honing what I’d written on Monday. The whole time I found myself shaking my head saying to myself;

No way, there’s no way, I wrote THAT.

But I did. So I spent several hours (two days?) coming to terms with that fact.

I wrote THAT.

Yes. Just me. I did it. Guilty as charged.

I think I may end up giving this one away. I know I have to split up this massive 20 page chapter that’s nothing but brutal darkness, I think I can do that so it makes more sense, brings in more drama and tension but that won’t change anything. I also know, thanks to the Big Guy who swears he’s not part of this story, he even says I’ve turned my back on him until this is done that this is something I’ve wanted to do for a LONG time. Why does He say He’s NOT part of this story? Because the God of War not only condones War and helps those engaged in it, He tries to keep a balance between those who can handle it and those who can’t.

Eddie is simply insane. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. He’s just nukin’ futz.

Yeah, and as The Big Guy reminds me that this is something I’ve been waiting to do for a long time he also says I might as well get it over and done with.

SO Eddie might as well take center stage. Do all of the nasty depraved things he wants to do to Mary Due (hope you’re a hardcore porn fan!) and get it out of my system.

It’s easier to let ‘Eddie’ off the chain then it is to let the Big Guy off his and the Muse is aware of that fact.

Let’s face it, as The Big Guy pointed out, I don’t give a crap about ‘Eddie’ or ‘Mary Sue’. In fact, I DETEST ‘Mary Sue’ and think she deserves every nasty rotten perverted thing she got.

‘Tis true. ‘Tis true.

Ever since I found out about ‘Mary Sue’ I’ve wanted to KILL THE BITCH VIOLENTLY and the person who invented her but, we’ll leave that jackass alone safe in the knowledge they’ve (most likely) gone on to live an unfilling life. Let’s face something else here, the person who came up with ‘Mary Sue’ has got to be a lonely wanna-be to begin with…yes/no?

I’m thinking YES. So, no, I don’t feel bad about sexually torturing her for 15 pages before ending her life.

Bummer, huh?

(Yes, I know that’s A LOT of pages, I said I need to break it up. Maybe even introduce it closer to the beginning so people know what they’re getting into AND, maybe, at the end, they’ll be grateful it doesn’t get that bad for poor Helen before Colonel Smith charges in to the rescue? Eh, maybe. In any event it HAS TO BE it’s own chapter because there’s 5 more pages of sexual deviance attached to it! Oh boy, I’m gonna burn in hell over this one for sure! Yep, if the Christian God I turned my back on yet still acknowledge exists He is sooo pissed over this one, I’m destined for a long hot stretch in Tartarus before I reach Olympus.)

So I’m thinking it’s too late to give to ‘Ebony’ BUT if I post it on places like LitErotica and/or FictionPress under a fake account it might be ok. Several nice people have already offered to review it for me, but I don’t think I’ll be soliciting reviews for this one. All I know is I need to finish it so my current emotional status doesn’t spill over to poor Alena when I get to “Rising Son”. She’s gone through enough, I know she has much more to go through, but it doesn’t have to be quite like this if I push it off onto a character I don’t give two shits about. Right?

Here’s hoping anyway.

I dunno. The worst thing about this story is The Big Guy is nowhere to be found. He’s off fucking with some other chick, I don’t condone this but I’ve gotten used to it. Still hate it. Never will like it. He’ll come back to me when he’s bored or thinks it’s time to do so. Right now I’m stuck with my Cast of Characters and ‘Eddie’ is demanding his time. His story. He wants it all.

It’s sorta like, I dunno…dealing with Dahmer or Gacy or Berkowitz. All of whom I know well. I’ve studied serial killers since I was a kid just because their minds fascinate me. I admit, I own the TimeLife Books “The Serial Killers/Mass Murders” editions. All my life they’ve fascinated me. Manson started it, I think. I want to understand why they do what they do. Even if, in the end, it doesn’t make sense to polite society it makes sense to THEM and somehow that’s what’s important. Why does it make sense to them? How did they get so fucked up? How did they get away with it for so long?

So, when dealing with such dark nasty stuff it should be considered normal that I fall into a ‘funk’ and start questioning my own sanity…yes/no?

For the most part, I think the really dark/nasty/horrible/unspeakable stuff is done in this story. I think I reached the apex and, while there will be a few more crescendos, they won’t be quite this bad.

I think.

For those who read here often, Miss Rebecca is just FINE. She made it through her ‘procedures’ and nothing horrible was found to be wrong with her. I managed to make tacos and chocolate/chocolate cake last night for Miss Nicole’s birthday. I didn’t get candles…damn, I forgot. BUT the main things were in place. LOL. I’ll get her a gift this weekend after I get oil and pay the cable bill, the phone bills, get some varnish/stain/whatthehellever for the first stage of the kitchen cabinets too. It’s my fault we’re a day behind this week, I totally forgot to file for unemployment until around 7:30 Sunday night, gotta file by noon on Sunday to get a check on Tuesday.

Oh well, all will be fine come tomorrow and that’s what matters I suppose.

About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 19/01/2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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