Surprise Visitor

This getting older thing is still making me scratch my head.

Lately I’ve been sleeping fairly well. I haven’t had a nasty bout of the hot/cold/shakes in a good long while. Of course, I haven’t had a glass of red wine in over a year! Yes, yes, that has helped. I don’t even drink grape juice anymore as I found that tends to have the same effect to a lesser extent.

I don’t miss the red wine but I do miss the grape juice.🙂

This morning, I was just thinking how nice that was and how much I’m enjoying the act of snoozing once more. I also noticed I’m not as moody and I seem to be losing a tad bit of weight–I’ve been told weight gain is normal at this ‘advanced stage of life’ due to hormonal fluctuations. So…that I must mean I’m near the end of peri-menopause (finally!) and going into full-on when…I got my period.

Damn it!

It’s been 4 months! Now I have to start my year all over again. WTF?

Of course I had to get ‘feminine supplies’ because I didn’t have any. In fact, at the picnic, one of our guests asked me if I had any feminine supplies she could use and I very proudly said; “Nope, those days are over for me.”

Gee…guess I was wrong!

Ya know, I’m not one of those women who found herself missing ol’ Red Flo. Nope, not in the slightest. In fact, even though we haven’t worried about it in ages, it’s been nice to engage in sexual activity without giving getting pregnant a second thought. Very freeing, actually.

Well, until an hour ago that is. It will be my luck that after all of these decades of not worrying about it that, right as I’m about to cross this particular Finish Line I’ll end up pregnant. No, that would not be a blessing. I really have no desire to be mistaken for someone’s GRANDMOTHER at their high school graduation. Don’t laugh, it happened to my own grandmother, the doctor thought my mom was a cancerous tumor until my grandmother’s water broke! Surprise! There’s my mom!

So I wonder….

Is this some type of Cosmic Joke on the female gender? I know, the Gods do have one wicked sense of humor and I think this qualifies. They must get some kinda kick outta watching us cry at stupid commercials, get mad and take offense at small stuff, toss and turn all night, sweat through the sheets, find errant hairs growing in strange places, frown and feel depressed upon looking at our changing bodies in a mirror (whenever we get up the courage to do that, anyway. Me? I don’t do it too often.) Of course, run out the door like a chicken with its head cut off, to get feminine supplies unexpectedly.

Yes, I’ve gone through this whole thing the ‘natural way’, no drugs, no doctors. The only thing I did take was Estroven, it worked well, but it got pricey so I quit. I figure what’s the point? It’s a natural progression of life, a sucky one to be sure but natural just the same. Everything they’ve got out there that might help me in some way comes with label warning and side effects. I’ll take the hot/cold/shakes over possible risk of heart disease, cancer, and the like.

I just want to know; Why can’t it be more like a faucet that’s in good working condition. You know, it just shuts off rather than continuing to leak, drip, dribble, until…well….whenever it finally stops.

Oh! Hey man! THAT’s what I need! A plumber! Do you think if I call the local Plumber’s Union they’ll be able to help me fix this leaky little box???

At least death won’t be listed as a side effect.🙂



About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 30/05/2012, in Life. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I have a tool that will FIX ANYTHING!!!!

  2. I still get mine regulary ffs, WTF is up with DAT?!?!?! Will be 46 lol… sick of this shyte Come n get me Mother Nature and take your gifts away lol

    • LOL! Don’t be too anxious it ain’t a lot of fun to lay there sweating feeling like you’re right up next to an active volcano. Totally sucks!🙂

  3. /snickers at sis being down for maintenance lol, lisa has been going through this about Oh 5-6 years it can drag on and on and on and on…. Dammit now I want grape juice. and when is my new nephew/niece coming to live in real world?

    • I knew I could count on your support, bro.😉 If you’re looking for a new little one outta ME….no way! I’m waiting for a grandson that I can kidnap and spoil rotten! BUT not yet…nah…not yet.

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