Fussy Pussy Part Deux


Ok, a long long time ago in a land far far away that used to be known as MySpace, I had a blog. In that blog, one day, I posted all about my adventures in Adult Store Shopping whilst I looked high and low for a new female toy…or two. Yes, eventually I did come across my ‘perfect mate’ and we’ve been blissfully happy ever since. That includes hubby who also like to play with me and Big Blue :)

So, don’t think I’m a prude or anything, ok? In my ‘business’ one can hardly afford to be prudish and write hot sex that could actually take place the way it’s described. However, I do think there’s a lot of merit to the neighborhood Adult Toy Store…and the Internet in that respect. Yes. Yes, I do.

The mailman dropped off the new Brookstone Catalog the other day and today I took it up to the Throne Room to have a little-look see while I sat and enjoyed my Throne Time. I OPENED the catalog and on, appropriately enough, “Page Six” I found

Oh my! I’ve seen these in the catalog before but they’re usually intelligent enough to put them in the BACK of the catalog. C’mon, people! These things come in the mail unsolicited to households that have small children. Do you really want to explain these types of ‘personal massagers’ to your curious 5 year-old who was looking for the latest and greatest toy? I don’t think this was what little Johnny had in mind when he opened the catalog looking for toys, do you? This is the BROOKSTONE Catalog not fuckin’ PENTHOUSE.

If that’s not bad enough, let’s have a little look-see at these items in-depth ;)

Oh my, look at that the purple ‘personal massager’ comes in two sizes! Large and Medium. I don’t know about you but I try not to shoot for ‘average’ when picking out a new intimate toy. Check out the price! $169.99 and it’s not even gold! It is waterproof..so’s a real dick. It does state it will ‘massage’ you for ten minutes…kinda chintzy. It says it only activates by touch…ok, not quite like the real thing which can often activate on its own, but like the real thing, the second you touch it, it starts buzzing. Ladies, ladies, please listen to me. Before you go out and plunk down $170.00 on a vibrator; have you tried your local bar? It’s normally jammed packed with men who will do the job for FREE, in fact they’ll buy YOU a drink or two or three first. The best part is, they have bodies; arms, chests, necks, lips, legs, all those yummy things. So give them a shot before you open your wallet for this one.

Well, hummmm….what can we say about this? Personally I don’t need or want a remote control device…at all. Never mind one that works from 30 feet away. Who’s operating this thing and why are they hiding? The round one looks painful and the egg-shaped one looks like just enough to get a lot of teasing going on but never actually finish the job. Yes, that can be equated with the real thing from time to time to as well. But for $140.00 I think we can do better.

You have to read the bullshit description on this one yourself because I can’t stop laughing long enough to make a snarky comment.

But…now we come to this one and the light has finally dawned on Aunty Moon! Yes, now I understand the whole ‘discreet’ purpose of this page in the Brookstone Catalog….see if you can spot it.

YES! They’re not simply trying to stimulate YOU they want to stimulate the ECONOMY! Oh it’s all so perfectly clear now….thank you Brookstone! Thank you so much. Now I can have a vibrator that hooks up to my computer/laptop/tablet right along with my web cam and I can so much more easily charge $19.95 a….head. To watch me! The money will be pouring into my bank account in no time at all…what would we do without Brookstone? Considering how much product placement Brookstone does for Apple throughout their catalog, I’m sure to get a discount on the next iPad and make even more money.

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About lbdarling

Dark Erotic Romance Author, Wife, Mother, Pagan, Photographer

Posted on 23/09/2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Lmao. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the USB charger (rolling my eyes). What ticks me off is to get anything good you have to put a dent in your budget.

  2. i suggest the hatachi wand, usually about 50-75 bucks, only disadvantage is short cord, 4′ or so but add extension cord and you got all the reach ya need.. you can also get gel heads to hit those hard to reach spots and one for the cock in your life.

  3. well you might not dig the price tag but in my line of fun this has been a fave of the ladies who ride, they are all worn out and cum drunk… http://www.sybian.com/sybianindex.html

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