Adventures Part 2

This is the “R” rated blog of the day😉

Today is hubby’s birthday!!!

Happy Birthday, My Love!

I spent some time over the weekend writing, working on my website, doing a mass mailing, and coming up with the Spring into Summer Sales Event and, long around 4:00 yesterday afternoon had enough. I wanted to do something special for hubby’s birthday, just the two of us. I checked Ye Olde Bank Balance and off we went.

The dishwasher…the NEW freakin’ dishwasher…has been leaking for a while now, so, very unbirthday-like, we decided to go to Home Depot for a new gasket after hubby tracked down the problem. I said we could break our principles for the night and go to Olive Garden to celebrate his birthday. BUT we had a little side trip to make first. If you ever want to see your man’s eyes light up like a child on Christmas Morning turn to him and sweetly say: “Honey, would you like to go to the Adult Store with me? It’s your birthday, you can get whatever you want.”


I think he got up so fast he hit his head on the ceiling!

So, we made our first stop In The Mood over in Groton. It’s the best Adult Store in the area and it’s easy to find, right off Route 184, behind New England Cycles Works next to the Bible Study Group! NO, I’m not kidding! I should have gotten a picture! I roared looking up at that; In The Mood and Bible Way Church together as one…along with the bikers, of course!

I’m not shy about such places anymore, we walk in the door, say ‘hello’ to the clerk and start looking around. We have tons of laughs as we’re wandering and looking. The other people in the store were all so quiet, as though we’re not all there for the same basic reason; sex. I was surprised by the 3 aisles of porn DVDs, I would have thought the Internet would have put a big crimp in that stuff but I guess some people still like to pay cash for their aids and toys. Me? Nah, put it on the debit card. Let the bank see, I don’t care.

We initially went for new lube. I got him that KY Warming stuff as a stocking stuffer for Christmas but it’s not good. It’s sticky and it’s irritating when it starts getting ‘warm’. So the clerk showed us the wide array of lubes and their flavors, told us the differences between water-based and silicone-based lubes. That’s stuff’s expensive! I picked up one bottle; $19.99.

Humph…I’m not that old, I don’t need it that badly just yet.😉

But, we picked up two smaller less expensive bottles and wandered some more with the very helpful clerk laughing his ass off as we chatted. We looked at plugs (we picked up one), dildos (I love mine it’s perfect I’m not trading it in for anything!), vibrators (not a big fan of electronics in my toys). We laughed and laughed at some of the dildos, one swore it was the cast of some porn star, it even has his picture on the package. Hubby turned to me and said; “We both know there’s NO WHITE GUY THAT BIG!”

Yep, surely isn’t. hahahaha

I walked down the wall and looked up and saw one even bigger, as I wondered just how I would manage to work with something so large I heard;

Yep, that’s about right

I got all tingly just thinking about it. My goodness!

When the hell are you going to get a fucking BODY????

There was an entire wall of “Fetish” items. They looked really cheesy and not well made…at all. Well, one looked good, it was a harness for one of my favorite positions; Up Against the Door…reow! Yeah, baby. But, I don’t need to be tied to the door and, again, it looked cheesy. They had all kinda of them, even one harness that can only be the slimmest of people as it held the two of you together back-to-front and looked like it would rip to shit inside of 10 minutes with us! We laughed at the “Fetish” items, (that’s the name brand, btw, “Fetish”) for a while as we wondered if we were still agile enough to pull off some of the positions on the boxes. While I do greatly enjoy light bondage and sensual domination I’m not into black leather…well, ya know, I am into black leather…yes, yes, I am… just not that way.🙂

We parted company for a little bit, I looked at the outfits and suddenly heard in my head:

Yes! That one. I want to see you in that one!

Are you kidding me???

No. Get it!

I turned it over in my hand, it was a body-stocking in a very sexy pattern, I did like it but….

Fuck you, man, I’m not 17 anymore. I can’t pull this off.

Hearing a big groan in my head, I put it back. I went to wander some more. I came across…I shit you not…the “Fifty Shades of Gray” sex box! Hubby pointed it out and I immediately said, quite loudly without thinking; “I’m not buying anything Fifty Shades of Shit!”

The clerk, who I didn’t realize was behind us, laughed his ass off! He totally agreed it is “Fifty Shades of Shit” it’s nothing new it’s not even anything wild or exciting. It’s for people who’ve never explored their own sexuality…you know…amateurs. If it helps people like that ‘get in touch with themselves’ that’s great, but I’m already playing in the Major Leagues here and my contract is definitely going to be renewed for another year or more so…keep “Fifty Shades of Shit”, when you’re ready, come see me…I’ll teach you better than that.

The clerk showed me some very nice glass plugs and dildos, I ran my hand over them and liked them a lot. He looked at me and said; “You’re not going to ask, are you?”

I said; “Ask what?”

He informed me that most people won’t go near the glass items because they’re going to BREAK in a very inopportune place at a very inopportune time! I laughed! Just so you know…no, they will not break unless you purposefully drop them rather hard. Other than that they’re silky, slick, and smooth as, well, glass.

I looked at furry mitts, I like those, and furry whips, I kinda like those too. I was hoping to get a new velvet or silk tie or maybe even a leather strap lined with fur, but the best they had for soft restraints was black silk rope. Very nice but not what I was looking for.

We looked at cock-rings. A whole wall of them! Many different shapes, sizes, colors, actions and…oh my! They’re made some super-elastic-plastic these days. Not hardened rubber any longer. I picked up one of the cheap ones just for fun😉

I picked up a trial-size tube of Shrink Cream (Cherry Flavored, of course!) and a trial-size tube of Green Apple lube.

As we stood in line waiting to check out, I looked over to the Wall of Lube and noticed three large boxes below it; the waist to feet of a woman, the torso of a woman, the head of a woman. All in some super-space-aged material made to feel like ‘real skin’. The clerk informed me that for $1,200 we could take home a ‘whole woman’.


“Uh-oh, she’s gonna pass out,” he said and laughed.

I looked back again and then to the clerk and said: “Where’s the man? How much for him?”

They didn’t have one in stock but for around $400.00 I could get the torso to the knees of a man complete with proper appendage in a size of my liking.


Can I put Kevi…

No, now shut up.


So we walked out with our package: $63.00 worth of new toys and promises of adventures ahead. That plug was $30.00! If I had seen the price I would have put up a fuss over getting it. Hubby knew that, which is why he didn’t show me the price.😉

We went to Home Depot, got our household goodies and then went to Olive Garden and had a gut-busting meal. Oh! So good! Still hate their politics but damn I love their food! We got deserts to go and came home. We’ve been having a “Batman” marathon this weekend and last night was the last “Batman”, which so totally SUCKS I’d love to throw it out! I can’t stand that idiotic “Bane”. Makes me miss Heath Ledger so much! I had a soak in a hot tub and we tried out some of our new toys.

Did I mention I didn’t go to work today? hahahaha Yep, that’s how good it was. It was sooo good we did again in the middle of the night, which really nixed any plans I might have had for going in today.

A little later on, I’ll head on over to The Cake Lady and get hubby a dozen cupcakes for his birthday. I’ll stop at the grocery store for taco fixings for dinner…even though I’m still quite full from last night’s Italian Feast. Yes, I am. Then, another bath, back to bed, and see what the night brings.

All Good Things, I imagine. All Good Things.

About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 25/03/2013, in Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. gotta love the big guy😉
    “yep, that’s about right” –> floored and giggled hard. hubbie looked strange. nothing my dear.

  2. My husband would have a heart attack lol… wish he wasn’t so vanilla….

  3. Oh give him a chance! He might surprise you🙂

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