Kittens & The King
I had the WEIRDEST dream last night! Totally Bizarre!
Let me back track a bit before we get to it maybe it will make more sense that way. Last night hubby and I went out to dinner at 99. It sucked. It always sucks. We keep hoping it gets better so once every 3 years or so we give it a shot. I got a “turkey dinner” made of rolled up turkey breast that was dry as dust and completely over spiced. His sirloin tips were ok. While we were there I got a phone call from Miss Nicole; since you’re in Groton stop by the house before you go home I have something for you.
Ok. We finished our less than stellar dinner and went over to her place to see she had found me a new kitten. He was very cute. I almost took him home. But he was not for me. So I stole her coffee filters and went home with hubby. We had our coffee and I went upstairs to watch “Bones” even though I still didn’t get to see last week’s episode…makes me so mad! He came up after that, we watched “Sleepy Hollow” and went to sleep.
I dreamed I was on a school bus full of people. Just chock full of people. The bus is cruising down the road at top speed. I hear mewing. I look up and there are dozens and dozens of kittens clinging to the outside of the open window of the school bus. They’re anywhere from a few days old with their eyes still shut to a few weeks old. Their little claws jammed into the steel frame holding on for dear life as the speed of the bus threatens to blow them right off and splat on the road! I get up, I grab kittens left and right, stuffing them into my arms until my arms are full and there are still more kittens to rescue! I didn’t know what to do. I turned around and dumped the armload of kittens into the lap of the guy next to me. I didn’t say a word I just plopped them down and went back to grabbing kittens off the window. I got a strange feeling. I turned around. I looked down to see I’d just dropped about a dozen kittens into Stephen King’s lap! I just stood there staring at him with all of these frightened kittens clinging to him. He looks up at me and said: “What the hell are you waiting for? Get the rest of them!” I grab the rest of the kittens. I think I lost one tiny kitten to the speeding bus and it couldn’t hold on any longer. Poor thing. I sat down wondering if I should apologize or at least say SOMETHING but he talked first: “So where’s the bus goin’?”
“Ahhh, I dunno. The world’s ending isn’t it?”
“Yep, sure is.” Mr. King agrees as he pets the kittens in his lap. “Do you think we’ll survive?”
“I dunno. You tell me. Is it Cap’n Tripps?”
“Yep, sure is.”
Everyone jammed onto the school bus looks so tired and worn and frightened as we speed down an open road supposedly away from the outbreak.
Of course, the bus dropped us off at…my house.
I’m standing in my kitchen with Stephen Freakin’ King! He’s still got kitten clinging to him although he’s trying to put them down they don’t want any part of it they want to stay attached to him. And, cuz it’s my dream and I’m nuts, I figure, while I’ve got him there and before the world ends: “Ah, hey, would you mind signing a couple of your books for me? I mean, ya know, while you’re here and all.”
“I don’t usually do requests but ok just a couple.”
I ran around my house like a chicken with its head cut off looking for the books! I tore the living room apart, I tore my bedroom apart, I tore my little eaves apart and couldn’t find them! (Of course I looked EVERYWHERE BUT where I actually keep them which is in my office in a glass case!) I keep running into him and apologizing for not being able to find his books!
“I know they’re here somewhere…I swear! Please just one more minute, I’ll find them!”
Finally I come up with an armload of books, I have no idea where they came from, I put them down next to him. He starts signing them; “Not gonna find these on eBay, am I?”
e-Bay? What are you friggin’ NUTS! 1-the World is ENDING and 2-no freakin’ way, buddy! Even if the world survives another 1000 years these books ain’t goin’ no where except to the After Life with me!
He looks up at me and says: “You really want me to sign this one? I mean, I will if you want but it’s not mine.” He holds up a copy of “Rising Son”.
“No, that’s mine.”
“Yeah, I know.”
There’s a book missing from the pile and frantically I run around trying to find it. Again, I don’t look in the glass case in my office. But I HAVE TO find it cuz he’s HERE and if there’s any single book in the whole world I could have him sign it’s my first edition paperback of “‘Salem’s Lot”. I grab more books, I put them down. Again he says to me: “You really want me to sign this one?”
Again he’s got “Rising Son”.
WTF? I know there’s NO King book with a yellow/orange cover never mind with a hot guy on the cover! Why do I keep giving him this book????
“No, that’s mine.”
“Yeah, I KNOW!” He reaches into a pocket or something and pulls out “The Heart of War”, “A God is Born”, “Rising Son” and “Women of War”. Then he pulls out a pen. “Would you mind?”
WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY? Would I sign a book for HIM? The World really IS ending!
“Where’d you get those?”
“You but they’re no good without a signature so, would you?” He holds this very fancy pen out to me. “Fair’s fair, I’m signing these for you.”
Yeah. Ok. That’s true but….really? Seriously?
Very hesitantly I take the pen and start to sign the books for him. He looks at the pile at his feet with kittens playing all around it and says: “There’s a few missing here. Where are they?”
I stammer to explain two of his books are in the bedroom (they really are!) but I haven’t read them yet, hell I haven’t even bought “Doctor Sleep” yet. I apologize profusely.
“You used to be one of my biggest fans, where’d I lose you?”
Ahhhh….really? Ahhhh….well….. “”Under the Dome”, I guess. It sucked. “From a Buck 8” also sucked and what the hell was up with “Cell”? I don’t wanna read anything about JFK. You grabbed me back with “Duma Key” but….why do you still get a publishing contract? You’re kinda suckin’ lately, dude.”
I couldn’t believe I said THAT to HIM. I felt like putting one foot in my mouth and kicking my own ass with the other.
“You haven’t put me outta business just yet,” he muses, “but keep it up, maybe you’ll get there.” He hands back “Rising Son”. “Make it: To Stephen, my Master and Mentor, Love Lisa.”
That’s where the dream ended and I woke up going…What the fuck?????
I hope I left you with a laugh because it’s been swirling around in my head all morning! LOL