Great Dicks in the Morning

So it’s Monday. That sucks. But know what brightened my rainy Monday? I woke up to six…yes 6…pictures of someone’s dick in my Facebook in box.

Some people would be offended but not me. See, I used to be a chambermaid and I can’t tell you how many men tried to pick me up, invite me, offered to show me a good time, and, yes, opened their doors stark naked trying to tempt me. I had no problem looking them right in the dick and telling them that it was physically impossible for them to ever show me a good time.πŸ™‚ After thoroughly trouncing their egos…believe it or not…those guys left me big tips and apology notes!πŸ™‚

Getting a picture of some strangers dick is no biggie…especially not in this particular case. As with those hotel guests I didn’t hesitate to tell the sender that they would never qualify to ride this ride. Too small. Too bad. So sad. Better luck next lifetime, pee wee. Honestly, in this case, I have seen better tools in the Produce Department.πŸ™‚

After firmly dissing this jerk…who had a Michael Jackson icon no less…he/she/it decided to post a pic of their dick (I assume it’s theirs but one never knows) ON my personal FB page IN the thread where said no-load was being discussed. I let it stay up for a bit, ranked on it a bit, then got ANOTHER FB mail with…more dick! By this time I was nearly in tears from laughing so hard and I would have been of a mind to keep it up (so to speak) if they hadn’t posted it ON the page. So I had no other choice to report and block them and then delete the photo. Bummer. It kinda ruined my Monday Morning Fun. Sigh.

Things like that always leave me wondering what kind of person the sender is. Is it male? Is it female? Is it somewhere in between? Is that THEIR dick? Is that someone else’s dick? Who knows. But most of all I wonder why they’re NEVER SEXY. Never. Ever. This guy was so skinny you could have picked your teeth with him. If his waist was 24 inches around I’d be shocked. He had like NO chest. Legs thinner than a chicken. He was just skin and bones. I guess all that’s supposed to help make his dick look bigger but…nah. Not really.The most he was really showing off was a massive untamed patch of pubic hair. Not sexy. Really. Not sexy. I can’t deal with a man who has little meat on his body as he does his bone.

So look here, take some tips from Aunty Moon: If you’re so bored with your life and in such dire need of someone anyone to pay attention to you in any manner whatsoever AT LEAST find pictures of someone HOT to pass off as yourself. They’re not hard to come across Google is wonderful for that. Then at least you won’t be getting smacked down, you might even solicit some honest interest from someone long enough for you to type with one hand and conclude the business no one wants to help you with in the RW.

Other than that, you could always try developing a personality better than a goat’s. That might help too. Then you could get off the computer so you can get off in the RW with a partner rather than your own hand…or whatever device it is you’re using for your self-pleasuring purposes. Then again, limp dicks have little to no personality so maybe it’s better if you just stick to Porn Hub or something like that and dream away about staring in your own little flick. The flick will last all of 5 seconds and have no production quality whatsoever but that’s ok no one expects much from someone like you anyway.

Above ALL…go to the nearest grocery store! If YOUR DICK isn’t at least as big as the first carrot you pick up..just give it up. If it is bigger than most cucumbers you might have a shot at attracting something other than groans.

It’s moans…not groans..MOANS you’re going for here. If you can’t tell the difference kindly never take it out of your pants for anything other than peeing again.

This has been a Public Service Announcement from Aunty Moon.

About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 18/11/2013, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. OMG! Funny. You know I have had a lot of author friends on facebook get weird pictures friend requests and what not. I honestly want to know what is up with people and showing off their “goods” Not everyone wants to see the small dick hahaha.
    Love the public service announcement!

    • I think, depending on what they write, authors are prone to getting these types of pics. People must think that because we write about hot sex we wanna see their junk. They couldn’t be more wrong! Glad I could make you laughπŸ™‚

      All the Best, Lisa

  2. dammit, i read the initial posts but missed THE posting, i would have loved a giggle or two today!! it’s true that size doesn’t matter “much” but a pencil sized dick just doesn’t cut it….
    i mean we pop out babies… we need something to fill usπŸ˜‰ *grins*

    • Quite right! It doesn’t hurt if it’s attached to a nice body either. Sorry you missed the pic he/she/it posted. It was ya know, a dick, and whole mop of pubic hair! Ick. Don’t they know what a razor is? I’m no fan of the bald look but c’mon a little hedge trimming now and then never hurt anyone! hahahaha

      All the Best, Lisa

  3. Donna Ruggieri

    OMG Lisa, that is absolutely hysterical. You definitely made my Monday morning a good one! ROFLMAO

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