I’m not quitting smoking! That’s the good news.
I guess I should explain; I’m 47 and I’ve been a smoker since I was 15. Back then one had to be 16 to buy cigarettes in the Great State of Connecticut so, for a year, I availed myself to every cigarette vending machine I could find along with the majority of my friends. The laundromat was a great place for that but they took those machines away a few years ago. Bastards.
I have tried several times to quit smoking. I have used mints, gums, patches, sprays, and plain old cold turkey. Once I quit for nearly a year…no cigs. None. I breathed better. I had more energy. Food never tasted any different. I was always edgy. It wasn’t fun. It may have its health benefits but, still, no fun. Of course there’s writing to consider. The cigarette is one of my constant companions when I write along with coffee, candles, incense, and Old Toby. Wine/liquor is also very nice. Smoking is so engrained in me that while eventually I was able to write it too wasn’t much fun.
I went back to smoking due to one thing or another, I can’t even remember what put that first cigarette in my hand after nearly a year. Some stresser I imagine. Eventually I just quit quitting and said ‘fuck it, this is who I am.’ Which is what I’ve always said. I am a smoker. That’s it. Period. The End.
For two years I’ve been watching these ads for electronic cigarettes. Two years ago at hubby’s office Christmas Party one of the men brought an e-cig with him. It was a very strange invention. It didn’t look anything like the ones on TV. You had to push a button to get it to work and the tip was like using an old-fashioned cigarette holder (which I loved, btw, the cigarette holder not this e-cig we’re talking about here). It made a little noise when I pushed the button and drew. The flavor was horrible! It was like EATING Vicks Vap-O-Rub! ICK!
Hubby kept trying to talk me into trying to it and I kept saying ‘no’. That would never replace my cigarettes.
But that thing Stephen Dorff is puffing away on just might.
I watched the ads and watched the ads and finally the corner store got Blu E-Cigs. That was about 9 months ago. Every day I go up there and I buy two packs of Pall Mall Menthol Blacks (one for me one for hubby) and everyday I look at the Blu varieties. Everyday I think; I should get the disposable one just to try it’s only $10.00.
Being old, having a sedentary job, never exercising, and sitting at this desk all day don’t make for good lung capacity. I’ve been noticing that’s getting truer and truer. It’s getting harder and harder for me to go from the first floor to the basement to the second floor without passing out. This isn’t making me happy at all. Let’s be honest here, for the most part, I smoke just under 1 pack of cigs a day….but I smoke a lot of Old Toby, baby, it don’t come filtered. I ain’t givin’ it up in fact I’m looking very forward to moving to Colorado when retirement time rolls around.🙂 Last night, as Stephen Dorff told e how wonderful Blu was, I thought; they have to go, they really do, we have to try quitting AGAIN. The worst thing about quitting is you feel like a failure from the start so when you do fail and slip and have a cig you feel like you’ve just mowed down a bunch of kids in a cross walk or something and society seems to agree with that assessment. It’s hardly worth setting yourself up for that type of failure to begin with!
Stephen Dorff told me to ‘take back my freedom’.
I hate going outside to smoke at work or a restaurant or a bar or where-the-hell-ever. I’m sick of being made to feel like a second class citizen simply because I engage in a perfectly legal activity. AND I’m sick of paying a heft Sin Tax and still being treated like a second class citizen. Makes me so mad!
I went up to the corner store this morning knowing we had enough cigarettes to get through the day. I put my items down on the counter and looked over at the Blu stand with its Disposables, Starter Packs, and Flavor Cartridges when one of them caught my eyes; dark cherry.
“May I have one of the disposable Blu Menthols please?” Nah, disposables don’t come in cherry…darn.
I brought it home and hubby was very happy to see that I was trying to take the stop smoking thing seriously again. Yes, I know this is a smoking substitute it’s not an actual quit smoking thing. Like the nicotine patch/gum/mints it’s just another delivery system for my drug of choice. That’s all. I’m pretty sure that’s what I like about it the most. I’m not ‘quitting’ anything I’m just changing methods. There is no chance of ‘failure’ here.
Took it out of the pack and stuck it in my mouth and….coughed my freakin’ head off! OH MY GODS! WOW!
It’s heavier and longer and a little rounder than a regular cigarette so holding it takes a few moments to get used to. I just sat there holding it for a while and sure enough my brain wrapped around the idea that it was a real cigarette in my hand.
A few more puffs. Several more coughs and I was convinced the thing was trying to kill me! Hubby encouraged me to keep trying, take smaller draws, wait a moment before fully inhaling.
So I did.
I’ve spent two hours with my new friend Blu now. I have it sitting right next to me in a very clean ashtray that will always stay just the way it is. Next to that I have my pack of Pall Malls, lighter, and one filthy ashtray. Visuals are always nice at times like this. I haven’t had a real cigarette yet this morning. Blu is doing every job very nicely. I have it when I want it. I smoke as much or as little of it as I want then put it in the very clean ashtray where it doesn’t burn out on me. It doesn’t make me smell bad. I will be able to use it at my desk at work instead of freezing outside.
The big test, of course, will be in a few minutes when I crack of open “Kingdoms of War” and try to write. But I’ve done ok writing this entry, me and Blu that is. Pall Mall is still sitting there untouched. If all goes well, I may find myself buying two Blu Starter Kits tomorrow ($39.99/each oy and $14.99/each for flavor cartridges). I don’t know if we’ll save a hell of a lot of money doing this, at least not at first, but we may breathe a little better and that would make exercising a little more enjoyable which may mean I could go up and down the stairs without feeling like I’m about to pass out.