An Open Invitation
If you just adore “Fifty Shades of Grey” for the love of GOD…GO NO FURTHER! Exit Stage Left. Cya another time.
That being said; We all know what today is right? Unless you’re living under a fuckin’ rock you’ve known for several days that TODAY is RELEASE DAY for the “Fifty Shades of Grey”…trailer. Yep. The trailer. This movie ain’t coming out until Valentines Day 2015. This is going to be worse than sitting through months of Linda McMahon’s Let-Me-Buy-Your-Vote barrage. That was a nightmare…twice! You old timers were here to hear me bitch over it. Personally I think I’m going to be forced to sit through this for the next 7 months because Cast & Crew are trying to judge how badly it’s going to bomb and are trying to patch whatever things people most bitch about in various threads here on Ye Olde Internet. No, not this thread. Duh. But you know on sites like “Vanity Fair” or “E!” or places like that. Let’s call it Pre-Damage Control for lack of a better term.
I’d rather sit through”Seven” seven thousand times back-to-back than have to sit through that trailer one more time. I’m really gonna hate that Beyonce song by the time this is over and I kinda liked it. Bummer.
First off; I gotta hand it to you guys and gals! I really do. Only ONE person threw the trailer out to my FB feed. One. I love you guys and gals! Woot! Good for you! You have taste and intelligence. BUT because of that I was forced to go to Yahoo! to find the link and watch the stupid thing. I gotta say given my age and the authors I grew up with, the trailer is about all I want to see of this movie.
Sober that is.
So, secondly, I was discussing this idea with a FB friend and I think I would like to extend the following invitation to all of my FB friends who did not pollute the Internet with the news that this…thing…is releasing in 7 months(!).
Whenever “Fifty Shades of Grey” hits the $5.00 bin we should have a party. A big big party. What do you think? I can certainly wait until the Blu-Ray hits the $5.00 bin at Best Bud (I’m thinking some time around the end of…what…May? June?) and I hope you can too.
Here’s the deal.
Men and Women are welcome but the men have to behave themselves. Less is more here guys. If you just hang back and watch you’ll not only have fun you’ll probably learn a lot as well.
Everyone must drink. Male or female you must drink. If you are not a drinker you may not come to the party.
Keys get left at the door you will undoubtedly need a sleeping bag and your favorite pillow.
As we watch the movie every time someone does, says, wears (oh yeah wears), something terribly cliché/tacky/stupid (think blonde-twists-ankle-in-horror-movie type of thing)…we have to drink. No qualms. Just drink. I mean, c’mon, we should have to drink every time their names get said; Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel? Really? That’s as good as Clara Thornheart or Millie Goodheart not to mention my personal favorite, Drew Blood. WTF? If those names alone don’t indicate to you just how schlocky this is nothing will. Then again maybe you were unfortunate enough to be born after 1975 or something. Those of you who remember and love the 60s and 70s you have every reason to laugh your ass off at this stuff.
So you better bring some booze too cuz we’re gonna get hammered by the time this is over. If you’re not totally blotto by the end of the night I’ll kiss you, how’s that? (Line forms to the left ladies first…the women just went ‘what?’ and the guys just went ‘yeah!’…LOL)
Unlike in a movie theater, we get to say whatever we want as loudly as we want during the film whenever we want to say it.
We will freeze frame at appropriate moments and fast-forward/rewind/fast-forward at other appropriate moments. We will do this until we either make it to the end or we decide we just can’t take it anymore…at that point we’ll take the Blu-Ray to the outdoor hearth and burn it. That and one last shot will end our evening.
Does that sound like a party or what?
RSVP to email@example.com ASAP🙂