Bezos the Clown

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Yes, every day that goes by I’m happier and happier with my decision to leave Kindle. I most certainly am.

I blogged the other day that I made two sales through my site for signed Kindle editions of my ebooks and I was very pleased with that, I still am. Those files went directly to the purchaser’s Kindle account like a breeze. She was so happy that she bought another book today. I did the same thing that I did with the other two…not one thing different. Not one! I sent the file directly to her Kindle account.

It bounced…TWICE! Here’s the email I received from Kindle Support:
Dear Customer,

The following document, sent at 02:15 PM on Tue, Dec 02, 2014 GMT could not be delivered to the Kindle you specified:

The Kindle Personal Document Service can convert and deliver the following types of documents:
Microsoft Word (.doc, .docx)
Rich Text Format (.rtf)
HTML (.htm, .html)
Text (.txt) documents
Archived documents (zip , x-zip) and compressed archived documents
Mobi book

Images that are of type JPEGs (.jpg), GIFs (.gif), Bitmaps (.bmp), and PNG images (.png).
Adobe PDF (.pdf) documents are delivered without conversion to Kindle DX, Second Generation and Latest Generation Kindles.

Adobe PDF (.pdf) can be converted to Kindle format and delivered on an experimental basis.

If the document that failed belonged to one of the above document types, please ensure the document is not password protected or encrypted. Note that the Latest Generation Kindles support password protected PDFs.

Helpful tips for personal document attachments:

The file size of each attached personal document should be less than 50MB (before compression in a ZIP file)
The email submitted should not contain more than 25 attached personal documents

You can learn more about transferring personal documents to your Kindle in our help pages:

If you would like immediate assistance, please contact customer support at +1-866-321-8851 (US customers) or +1-206-266-0927 (International Customers).

Amazon Kindle Support

I read it and read it and read it and came back with the same answer both times; There’s Nothing Wrong With This File! It fits absolutely everything above and there’s no Earthly reason it should bounce. So I tried something different. See, Amazon/Kindle hits this blog all of the time! I mean ALL the time. They also hit my site quite frequently to make sure I’m being a little girl and abiding by all of their fucked up rules. Nook doesn’t do that. Smashwords doesn’t do that. Kobo doesn’t do that. iBooks doesn’t do that….in fact not one other e-book retailer I’m affiliated with does anything like that. Nope. None. Just Bezos the Clown he likes to throw his weight around believing that he’s so damn important but all he ends up proving is that he’s a whiny little bully who is also a Dick of the Limpest Order.

I sent the exact same file to the exact same Kindle account from a different email address of mine taking out one single word from the body of the email; “purchased”. Know what? Yep, it went through like a breeze. The word “purchasing” was definitely in the first email with the first two books that I sent on Sunday. So……..

Looky here, Jeffy, I have a million addresses. I do. Have fun keeping up with all of them because there’s plenty more where they came from and they’re free. I’m not afraid of you so if you want to dance with me we’ll dance. I’ll do a tap dance all over your bald head that would make Fred Astaire green with envy. If you weren’t such a little jerk we wouldn’t have these problems but you are and so we do. Whenever you decide to treat your authors fairly and with some level of respect I’ll be happy to return my books to your site so you can have a tiny cut of my work and efforts. Until then, pucker up, baldie, you know where you can put your cold thin lips you tyrannical bastard.

About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 02/12/2014, in The Writer's Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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