Springtime in Zombieland
No doubt about it, yesterday was freakin’ gorgeous! Big blue sky, shining yellow sun, temps in the high 60s to low 70s. Just picture perfect.
Hubby’s PT was reduced due to the insurance running out so he’s started doing his routine at home and I joined him yesterday. We stretched/worked out for an hour and a half and had a few laughs. It was good. It’s better to have a buddy for this kind of thing so we’ll be making it a habit even though the elliptical machine is shot. Putting new batteries in something should never cause it to die😦 We’re torn between buying the part and just getting another machine off Craig’s List.
Anyway, after that I sat out on the deck for quite a while just taking in the nice weather and the blessedly fresh air. The grass is no longer brown its GREEN! I put my roses and rosemary on the deck on Monday, they have new growth already as they stretch towards the sun. I did not expect the begonias, dahlias, and impatients to winter over but they did! I’ll get them outside when we put up the umbrellas on the tables. I’m amazed that Rosie is still with me and she’s still hale and hearty. I love that plant.
Today my muscles are a little sore, my back feels a little better, and my face is tingling. So I think I got too much sun. I slept like a rock. Well, sorta. I had the weirdest dream.
I was on a road trip, I pulled into a motel parking lot happy to read ‘Pet Friendly’ on the sign as I looked down at Charlie who was riding shotgun. (I have no idea where we were going!) It was one of those two-story ‘L’ shaped things you always see in horror movies and cop shows. I checked in, no big deal. I went to the room, no big deal. Regular ol’ mid-priced room; TV, table, chairs, bed and bathroom. I unpack the car and we settle in. I don’t know how long I was in the room before deciding I wanted a Coke but there was no ice bucket. I went down to the office to get one but there wasn’t anyone there. I walked back to the room figuring I’d knock on the door next to mine and borrow their quick. As I’m walking I realize there are fewer cars in the lot. I knock on the door. It opens by itself. There’s a baby in a carrier with its sister–she’s about 4. They’re just sitting there. Alone. The room is a mess, someone’s ransacked it. The little girls looks scared as she clutches the carrier. I asked where their parents are. She doesn’t know. I look back out the door, left, right, down the middle, back to the left again….not a soul in sight. There are fewer cars than just a few moments ago although none have gone by me. I take the kids back to my room leaving a note for their absent parents. I’m simultaneously thinking someone might mistake me for a kidnapper/child molester and that there’s no way I can just leave these two kids in the room alone. I get them into my room and on the couch. The little girl likes Charlie who’s eating up the attention. When she seems relaxed I asked where her parents were and she just shook her little blonde head and said ‘Bad’. I give her some cookies and warm Coke. I’m starting to get a really bad feeling in my gut. I look out the window, there’s 1 car left in the lot and it isn’t mine. It’s some old full-sized beat up tan/beige station wagon with the rear bumper half hanging off. I start thinking; I’m gonna need that car soon.
I leave the girls in the room with Charlie and walk across the parking lot to the room where the car’s parked. I knock. The door opens. The room has been ransacked. There’s blood everywhere! On the table right in front of me is a single key and I know it goes to that car. I grab for the key and a freakin’ ZOMBIE leaps out from behind the couch!
I like zombies about as much as Indian Jones like snakes.
There’s a bottle of something on the table, I grab it, smack the drooling thing in the head with it, grab the key, run out the door slamming it behind me and make a beeline back to the kids (yes, instead of getting the car!). I get in the door and they’re sitting on the couch with the older one munching her cookies and I figure I just found out what happened to their parents. She looks at me with a mouth covered in crumbs and says it again; “Bad”.
Yeah, you ain’t kidding!
I just nod and agree with her that this is definitely bad. I double lock the door, pull the blinds, move the cheap dresser in front of the door to barricade it thankful its the only door. I soon realize we can’t stay here. I’ve got a small back of snacks for the road but it’s not going to last forever. I keep peeking through the blinds and there isn’t a single person, not even a zombie. It’s totally dead out there. Just that old station wagon sitting in the parking lot. I’ve gotta get to that car, I’ve gotta get the kids and Charlie in and get the hell out of here. I can’t decide if I should make the run for it on my own and bring the car to the door or if we should run for it together. While I’m plotting and planning a shadow wanders by outside but it’s small, at first I think maybe its a zombie crouched down. I part the blinds and see a dog out there halfway between us and the car. It’s like an Irish Setter/Golden Lab mix, long reddish fur that turns to blonde by the ends. It doesn’t look rabid or like a zombie-dog. The little girl climbs up behind me and starts excitedly shouting; “Dog! Doggie! Dog!”
“Is that your dog?”
She shakes her head ‘no’ but keeps pointing at it.
I can’t leave the dog out there. The zombies will eat it. The dog is looking at me with those big brown eyes as if to say; Help me.
I put the girl back on the couch with the baby and Charlie, move the dresser, take a deep breath and open the door. The dog’s ears prick up. I start hoping it’s not a trap and that the friggin’ thing doesn’t pull a “Blade” move on me, open its mouth three ways when it gets close. I whisper to it and wave my hand for it to come into the room, it bounds over and runs right inside to lay down on the couch with its paws over its head. I take a long look at the station wagon and lock the door again. (Yeah, I know, a motel room lock is gonna do a lot against a pack of zombies…LOL)
I don’t have a weapon, I hear shotguns are useful against zombies. I do smoke so I’ve always got at least one lighter on me. I do have a bottle of whiskey in my little road trip bag. Although, to tell you the truth, it does seem like a waste of good booze.
“Can you run?” I ask the little girl and she nods. “Real fast?” She nods again. “When I say you’re gonna grab Charlie and run as fast as you can, you got that?” She nods. I open the bottle, take one hell of a long drink, jamb a ripped piece of t-shirt into it and cap it. I grab the road trip bag and the baby in the carrier with one hand I’ve got the bottle in the other with the lighter right under the cloth. “Ready? Run as fast as you can.” She grabs Charlie, the dog jumps off the couch, the door opens and we book like Tom Cruise toward the old station wagon. Halfway there, doors fly open, zombies come running out. I look down, the little girl and the dog are right next to me, she start screaming but she doesn’t stop running. My heart’s pounding like a pagan drum as I tell myself to wait, wait, wait. Just as they’re upon us, I light the makeshift Molotov cocktail and throw it at those closest to the car. A wall of fire leaps up, zombies make a sound akin to screaming, I tear open the driver’s door, the girl and the dog jump in, I toss the baby onto the passenger seat, shove the key in the ignition, pray; “Dear God, please let this piece of shit start!” The engine kicks over and we peel out of there with zombies chasing after us.
Get on the road, the whole town is empty. Not even a bird in the air. It was soooo creepy! Not a radio. No sounds from other cars. No one talking. No one walking or jogging. Nothing just…dead silence.
We going down a street, there’s a traffic light, I look up, there’s a zombie up there all crouched down like no one can see him. He’s going to drop down onto the car, I hang a hard left, he tries to adjust his course as he jumps and ends up getting tangled in the wires. I saw him hanging there in the rear view mirror as though someone had lynched him. Not that I felt bad about that, nah, not really.
I don’t know this town at all, I have no idea where we are or where we’re going, I do realize there’s about half a tank of gas in the old guzzler and I’m hoping its enough to get us a town that’s zombie free cuz I really don’t want to get out and pump gas under these circumstances. We come to the town green and there must have been some type of festival. “Close your eyes,” I tell the little girl in the backseat. “Keep ’em shut tight until I tell you to open them.” There’s dead bodies everywhere. The carnage could have been on a Wes Craven set. Of course, there’s zombies. Tons of them. In typical horror movie fashion there’s only one way out…straight through them. They see the car, they turn toward it sensing fresh meat. I look at the dashboard, “Don’t you dare fuckin’ stall on me.”
Yep, pedal to the metal….right through ’em. Zombies flying everywhere! I’m rolling over them like they were moguls on a dirt track. The car’s bouncing around. They try to grab it and climb on. I just keep going.
That was pretty much the end of my dream. The last thing I remember is seeing them in my rear view mirror chasing after the car all mangled and ookie.
I woke up having to pee, stumbled into the bathroom, looked up and said; “Zombies? Really? I don’t sleep deep for weeks and then you give me freakin’ zombies? What the fuck?”
Oh well, at least I got the kids, Charlie and the dog out of there.🙂
Me thinks “Zombieland” will probably be tonight’s movie of choice.