Alive n Bitchin’
Just a little story to relate today, that’s all.
So, I’m at work. I’m doing my job. Things are going along fine. The phone rings. The CallerID reads: 000-000-0000
As some of you know, not that long ago my personal cell phone number was inexplicably added to some widely available Jackasses Only List and I received many many many many phone calls from scammers and phishers. So many, in fact, that I shut off my voice mail for a number of months. Then I came up with this rather ingenious voice mail message that morons falls for every…single…time. I love it.
Back to work.
I looked at the CallerID and thought about letting it go to voice mail just to see if anyone left a message, which I was already positive they wouldn’t, but, as luck would have it, I was suffering from a slow moment so I answered. Not my usual sunny greeting….just the name of the business.
There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then some man said; “I’d like to speak to the supervisor.”
Yeah. Ok. Anyone who knows where I work and what business I’m in knows there is NO ‘supervisor’ or anything quite like that.
“No, sorry, they’re not in.” Said I.
“Who am I speaking to?” Said he.
“Who are you?” Said I with a smirk.
“This is Investigator Trent Lawson calling on a recorded line, who are you?”
Yeah. What a jerk.
“The secretary.” Said I with a sigh.
“Well, Ms. Secretary, I need to speak to your supervisor.”
Yeah. I don’t think so.
Click. Said I.
He didn’t call back. Gee, I wonder why.
I Googled “Investigator Trent Lawson” and there was a nice thread or two about him and his dishonest ways. I laughed and shook my head.
I mean, ya know, c’mon, puh-lease! If you’re going to pull a scam and you want people to BELIEVE YOU, which you NEED in order for said scam to even work, then trying being somewhat professional about the whole thing.
Yo, Investigator Trent Lawson, the phone call goes like this, you piece of shit
“Hello, my name is Investigator Trent Lawson and I’m calling on a recorded line,”
(that makes it LEGAL if you really are calling on a recorded line, dumbass, which you’re not, but it sounds authoritative and believable and legit.),
“I need to speak with ________,”
(insert name of actual individual here, in other words; do some fucking research you lazy slug),
“Are they available, please? This is very important.”
See, even I, an honest citizen, can lie effectively and get past the secretary even with a 000-000-0000 number showing on the CallerID. A good con—like a good story– is all in the details and the presentation.
I suggest you hone your meager skills. After all, Investigator Lawson, you may be able to hide your phone number from CallerID with a simple trick but no one can hide from Google.