One Million Moms vs. Kermit the Frog
I don’t know about you but I took…12 years of math. At times it was agonizing. It truly was. Especially when it came to algebra, which I took twice, and got a “D” in twice mainly because I got the answers RIGHT but outright refused to follow an algebraic formula to arrive at them. It was long. It was stupid. It was mundane. Honestly, it was bullshit. I don’t deal well with bullshit. To me, those ‘complicated equations’ were just simple common sense. My teachers didn’t appreciate that fact.
If you’re a ‘right wing Christian’ you should just click out now. OR you can argue with me. Which I will enjoy. I always derive great pleasure from nailing people to their own crosses. It’s up to you.
Anyway….do you remember these lovable characters?
I mean, do you HONESTLY remember them and not some self-indulgent little fantasy you might have rolling around in your addled pea brain. If the answer is ‘yes’ you probably don’t need to read this post. If the answer is ‘no’ or ‘I’m not sure’, read on at your own risk.
“The Muppet Show” ran from 1976 to 1981 on ABC. I was 10 in 1976 and by the time 1981 rolled around I considered myself ‘too old’ to watch some ‘stupid kid’s show’ although some of my friends felt differently. It’s true. Looking back on it, I wish I’d been one of them but I was too busy growing up to care. HOWEVER, “Muppet Babies” ran from 1984 to 1991 and by that time I had two small children who LOVED “Muppet Babies”. Therefore, I was pretty much forced to watch. Let us not forget ALL of the “Muppet” movies.
I tell ya, I loved Jim Henson. I bawled my eyes out when he died. For me, to find that his death was due to something so senseless was heart breaking. ‘Kermit the Frog’ has never been the same for me. Ever. I still have the “People” magazine announcing his death. I do. (Hell, I still have the picture of Elvis Presley in his coffin from “The Enquirer” too and a bunch of John Lennon memorabilia.) Of all the “Muppet” stuff….
Is my all-time favorite Jim Henson creation. If you don’t know what I’m talking about….for the utter LOVE of ALL the GODS ever revered by Man…go the fuck AWAY!
My oldest, Miss Nicole, ADORED “Labyrinth”. She would watch it over and over and over and over again while SCREAMING “Da Bowie! Da Bowie!” Which was good for me because I could as many hours peace as the VHS tape (cough choke) would allow. I mean she’d watch it ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT if I let her. She’d just sit there in front of the TV dancing, laughing, and singing along. That gave me the time to clean the house, relax, and, oh yeah, write.
Skip ahead to 2015 and to “One Million Moms”, a group of women who obviously failed remedial math class since, as far as I can tell from Facebook and Twitter, has far less than 100,000 members. Yes that’s 100,000 and not 1,000,000. So that group is false advertising at its worst and hubris at its best. Of course, it’s made up of, no real moms, but “Christian” moms…so-called. This is not to lump every single solitary “Christian” in with that particular group. Please don’t misunderstand this Recovering Catholic. I have a ton of Christian friends all of whom I love, cherish, and adore for the wonderful human beings they are. I have no problems with religion…at all…no matter which religion anyone may practice. Jew. Muslim. Christian. Buddhist. Pagan (like me). And more are all welcome in my life and in my heart.
Zealot? Self-righteous? Condescending? Do-It-MY-Way-or-Take-the-Highway?
The door’s over there….please use it before I throw your sorry butt through it without opening it first. I will do so without hesitation or remorse.
One thing I’ve learned as a parent is that; the REALLY GOOD “kid’s shows” are made just as much for adults as they are for kids. Personally, I believe that writers and producers do this with full knowledge of forethought and completely on purpose. Know why? It’s for double ratings. If the parents can enjoy the shows they’re pretty much forced to watch for their kid’s sake AND not feel as though their brains are melting then it’s a win for them, a win for us parents, and a win for the kids.
In retrospect, I fully realize that shows such as “The Muppets”, “Muppet Babies”, and “Rugrats” were ALWAYS very carefully constructed so that they could be enjoyed by The Entire Family. There is a shitwad of humor in all of those shows (and more) that goes right over the heads of kids yet makes adults roar with laughter. As a mom, I can remember doing several double-takes at something said on “Muppet Babies” or “Rug Rats” but having the intelligence, the Common Sense, to know it was directed at me and not my girls who were trying to snicker in these short moments and give the illusion that they understood…but they didn’t. I knew it then and I know it now.
That’s what being sentient does for a person. Face it, ABC only came out and said the reboot as ” more adult version of “The Muppet Show” because we’re dealing with an entire generation of pseudo-adults who require “trigger warnings” simply because, well, honestly, they’re morons who’ve been coddled far too long. They can’t handle their own lives let along the broader world in which they live.
Along comes Eighty-Thousand (or less) Frigid Bitches. Oh, wait, no, sorry, I mean “One Million Moms”
Who can’t add, subtract, count, or probably even actually Read-For-Comprehension the Book they claim to love so much (Yes, that would be The Bible…yes, I read it, yes I understand it…do you?) and they whine, cry, and stomp their feet not over homelessness, poverty, or even injustice but over…the ‘reboot’ of “The Muppet Show”.
First off; do you, ah, hummm, well, ah,….individuals (yeah, that’s the ticket)….have anything whatsoever to do with your lives?
Secondly; did you ever watch the original “Muppet Show”? Movies? How about “Looney Tunes”? “Duck Tales”? (Nikki and I literally DANCED around the room to that theme song!)
If you didn’t, I’m betting you didn’t get any further than “Davey and Goliath” or “Gumby”.
(For those who need a visual reference there)
Maybe you didn’t get any further than
This wonderful chick
Voiced, believe it or not, so fantastically by Frank Oz voice of ‘Yoda’, ‘Fozzie Bear’, ‘Hoggle’, ‘Ludo’, ‘Grover’, ‘Cookie Monster’, and ‘Bert’ (among others), has ALWAYS BEEN a ‘promiscuous feminist’. Oh yes she has! Do some research or just watch some old episodes of “The Muppet Show” many of which are freely available on YouTube. She hit on EVERY male guest star on the show. She’s a diva. She’s a woman. She’s uninhibited and she’s damn proud of that fact. Always has been. Always will be.
Yes, her one True Love is, was, and always will be her ‘Kermie’…that doesn’t mean she’s going to wait around for the Frog Prince forever. Nope.
No matter what anyone says (to me) ‘Bert’ and ‘Ernie’ were always “gay”. I mean, ya know, gimme a break. I’m not an idiot. If your illusions were just shattered you may be a moron. I dunno. Go take a test or something. I don’t care that they are (or are not) “gay”, they’re Muppets just like every other Muppet in Muppetland. Part of the community. Citizens.
By the way, just to make you cry, “Jareth” (Bowie”) from “Labyrinth” is nothing more than an exceedingly manipulative pedophile. (And I love that movie, always have, always will so don’t bitch at me over it.)
If YOU or 80,000 Moms don’t understand these facts I suggest you watch some old episodes of the above mentioned shows now that you’re ‘adults’ (so-called). See what you come back with. I think you’ll find that a lot of stuff went very far over your heads when you were kids. In 2015, as adults, I’m hoping you’ll be swift (that’s Yankee for ‘smart’) enough to catch those innuendos. Understand that they were always there and that perhaps you were just too young, immature, or dim-witted to catch them.
Yeah, I know,
But even ‘Red’ turned around, maybe you can too.
(I can’t watch it…I tear up when ‘Andy’ comes into the courtyard of Shawshank and tells ‘Red’ to look for the volcanic glass rock….I blubber like a baby from that point right through the end of the movie.)
I hope. Even though it is dangerous. I am Pandora’s Box with nothing left inside but Hope not for a future sterilized of all that is human but for one that is solely human. With all faults, frailties, differences, similarities, and dreams recognized.
But mostly for a future in which all humans can do simple math.
Common Core is a bitch, I know.
When it comes to ‘moms’; 80,000 < 1,000,000. Don't you think?