Trans-Vaginal Mesh Scam Artists & Other Douche Bags
I got 4…yes…4…Scam Phone Calls today.
Under ordinary circumstances I wouldn’t pay them any mind but today happened to be excruciatingly slow at work. That made the last two callers extremely unlucky today.😛
My cellphone does NOT actually ‘ring’ for anyone other than my husband, my two daughters, their husband/significant other, my boss, and my oldest and dearest friend in the whole wide-world Chris.
If YOU are NOT one of those people my phone lights up for your call but it doesn’t ‘ring’ or vibrate. Since my phone is usually some place where I can hear it but not see it this method has worked for me for many moons. Face it, most scammers don’t leave a message. AND, admittedly, I had a bunch of fun with my voicemail message for a while and that deterred any unsavory types (yeah, bill collectors) from leaving a message as well. It did. If you have that problem, contact me, I’ll give you the script for the ‘Fah-gow-we Messaging System’. (Any Johnny Carson fans let out there???? Personally, I loved ‘The Great Karnak’.)
I am the first one to admit that seriously, honestly, with no pretense at all: I would rather pay for Welfare for YOU for the REST of YOUR LIFE than have you bothering/scamming/bullshitting the Good People of the World for a crappy minimum wage paycheck. If that’s all you’re capable of doing, with my blessing, trot yourself down to the nearest Probate Court, and have yourself declared ‘incompetent’. PLEASE! I’ll gladly keep a meager roof over your head and a modicum of food in your fridge if you’ll just STOP DOING THAT!
Anyway, while BoMA and looking for something to do at work today, my phone lit up several times with numbers I didn’t recognize. The first one slipped by me as some important person called and I had to get the phone. The second left a vague message for me to call. I looked the number up on Google…for the LOVE OF ANY GOD AT ALL…do that before calling anyone back! Google is your friend (so long as you’re not signed into your Google/Gmail/YouTube account). I looked up the first one and got back ‘scam artist’ and since I was bored, I called the number back and when the messaging system instantly came on telling me “The Google User I was Trying to Reach….” finished and beeped. I said: “Look, dipshit, don’t ever call me again.”
I went about doing my daily thing at work and another unknown number showed up. I didn’t bother answering. I looked up the number only to find that my Blue Cross/Blue Shield account had been hacked!
I haven’t had BC/BS for a long time. So….fuck you…dipshit.
I called it back. It rang and rang and rang and rang…..sigh.
The THIRD f’d number lit up on my cellphone.
No one was in the office. I figured; fuck you, asshole.
I answered the phone; “Hello?”
I was immediately informed by some man from India that I was entitled to ‘big compensation’ from the ‘trans-vaginal mesh surgery I had a year ago.’.
Keep in mind he didn’t say ‘hello’ or even ask who I was before he went into his spiel.
I interrupted him; ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number, I didn’t have trans-vaginal mesh surgery.’
That’s when it got weird.
“Yes, you have,” said he, “You had it within the last year.”
“Ahhh, no, I didn’t, in fact, I’ve never had ANY surgery.”
Trust me, I haven’t. I still have my tonsils AND my appendix. No C-Section and not even an episiotomy in spite of giving birth twice. I’ve never broken a bone or suffered a single stitch in nearly 50 years. Zero. Nada. Nothing. Quite honestly, fuck you, I will never go ‘under the knife’. So sad, too bad, try again.
He said to me in his very broken English,”Yes, you have, or we wouldn’t have your records.”
Unless my husband turned into some deranged doctor while I wasn’t looking….ah…no.
Oh, did I mention I worked in a medical office for two years and a law office for ten years after that?
“Really?” I asked. “I think that’s a violation of HIPPA law. How did you get my records?”
The silence that ensued was DEAFENING.
Then he finally said: “You have big compensation coming to you from the trans-vaginal mesh surgery.”
The office phone began ringing at that point and I had to go back to work. “Well, if that’s true just send me something, obviously you already have all the information you need.”
I hung up and went back to work.
The the IRS called!
First and foremost, please please please KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt the IRS/Homeland Security/FBI/CIA or any other US Government Agency will NEVER call you out of the blue. Nope. They won’t. They love paper trails. They’ll send you a letter asking YOU to call THEM. If you don’t, they’ll send you a letter (certified with return receipt) asking for the same. That’s so they can PROVE they tried to contact YOU.
Since it was the 4th Scam Call of the Day and I was at the end of my rope with them and I was at home…I gave that bastard nightmares.
You should too.
The next time that douche bag calls pulls the same racist dishonest stunt I did.
“You don’t know who you’re calling do you? Let me tell you, I work for the NSA and I just hacked into the cellphone in your pocket, I have all of the information from every contact in your phone. That includes ALL of your relatives. Someone will be visiting them soon.”
The jerk has the never to tell me, in his English-As-A-Second-Language Foreign Callbank voice; “My office has a zero tolerance policy.”
“So sorry,” I said causally, “I don’t work for your company so that policy doesn’t apply to me. By the way, isn’t it time you cut your sister down from that tree now, I think the village is done with her dead ass. Your phone’s contact list has interesting prospects, this should be fun for me and there’s nothing you’ll ever be able to do about it.”
Oh….bummer…the line went….Click.
I hope that SOB has nightmares for months to come.
Call me a ‘racist’ if you like, I don’t care.
I’m simply being tired of being called by assholes like these.
You should be too. If they call you…strut your stuff…have some fun. Make sure they really understand what it feels like to be screwed hard and put away dirty.
It’s no less than what they deserve. Don’t be afraid to give it to them.