Life’s Big Decisions


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I haven’t talked about this subject here in Ye Olde Blog or on Facebook or Twitter or…well…anywhere because my husband did not want me to. Because I love him to death I went along even though there were times I just wanted/needed to rant away here in my “safe place”. Now it’s Crunch Time and I need to work through some things and, if you’re of a mind, I could use your help here.

Right after our trip to Cape Cod hubby lost his job. I mean RIGHT after, like the day we got back. So he’s been unemployed for the last 2 1/2 months and it’s been driving him crazy (in turn its been driving me a bit nutso too!) He’s second-guessing himself at every turn; did he do the right thing quitting his job at the Coast Guard Academy? Why couldn’t he last at EB? And he’s been depressed and filled with dread as his 51 year-old self started beating feet looking for a new job. One that would be right for him. They’re hard to come by. Even with the economy getting better good jobs are still hard to find.

Personally I think he absolutely did the right thing when he left the Coast Guard Academy. I backed him 100% and I still do. He was getting a raw deal and nobody cared. He’d been there 10 years and we’d hardly seen any bumps in pay. Every time the contract ended and some other company took it over he lost out. I think that’s true in every contract position and I think it’s a crying shame. I think the ‘new company’ should remember that they are the new employee and not those already working in a place when the contract changes hands. We missed out on decent pay increases time and again and he lost his vacation time each time and had to start from 0. That’s not fair. Add in the other BS this company wanted and it…well, let’s just say it was a raw deal all the way around. I’m glad he left. I’m glad he thought enough of himself to say

I mean, c’mon, how would YOU feel if the person UNDER you was getting paid MORE than you…you…the HEAD of the department? Seriously? Then the new company tried to make you, at your own expense, take a completely unnecessary course and force you to PASS it or lose your job? Oh, and yeah, they also want to randomly drug test you for no reason whatsoever which is not allowed under Connecticut State Law. Nope, sorry, you can’t randomly drug test existing employees. A company can only drug test a prospective employee–which they did and he passed–and an employer can make an employee submit to a random drug test IF they have REASON to believe someone is on drugs. Not just for shits and giggles. So… ya know…screw off, Knight Point. You cheap control freaks, screw you and the redneck swaybacked horse you rode in on you limp dicks.

Hubby quickly picked up a job at EB which should have been perfect for him but it was also a contract job and it was filled with people who don’t like to share important things like information. No, those who’d been there a while were only concerned with themselves and not with what was best for the company where they worked. So they were mean to him, and yes, hate to say it but it’s totally true, the place was run by a woman. I will never again work for a female boss. All of my best bosses have been male. I wouldn’t consider working for a woman anymore. Too catty. Too bitchy. Too power hungry. Too out to prove something to someone somewhere to be concerned with their employees best interests. So these people kept all of the information necessary to do the job to themselves. What scant information they did provide was so convoluted, scattered, minimal, and unorganized that a certified genius couldn’t figure out their ‘system’.

Yes, please by all means, understand that both of the above positions where my hubby worked are YOUR TAX DOLLARS so not At Work.

So this leads us here where hubby has been unemployed and very down on himself these past few months. He’s applied for lots of jobs but most of them he gets contacted by “head hunters” who don’t know their assholes from their elbows let along how to speak the English language. That’s nice, huh? Hard to apply for a job when you can’t understand WHERE it is. People call all hours of the day and night. Lately they’re bugging us well after 8pm. He’s always nice to them and he always asks them to please email him the information. That’s because you can’t fucking understand a word they’re attempting to say. And yes, one more time, ALL of those jobs were positions at installations connected with the US Government so again…your tax dollars at work and not employing an American Citizen! Pisses me off to no end.

He’s received oodles of calls and applied for oodles of positions. Some of them want him to have an Associate Degree. Really? The TEN YEARS of EXPERIENCE in this field don’t qualify? Fuck off. Look, I understand that people under 35 or so actually NEED an Associate Degree just to equal the intelligence level a High School Graduate once had. But we’re past that crap. Other jobs have offered him far LESS than what he makes on Unemployment after taxes and insurance. Not worth it. Still other jobs have offered him TWO DAYS…yes you got that right….TWO DAYS worth of work. Honey, unless you’re paying $500/day that’s just going to screw with Unemployment. Again…not worth it. Maybe some high school student needs a TWO DAY job. Go ask them or, ya know, have Rajesh ask them.

Now comes the Big Dilemma.

Hubby has been offered an awesomely GOOD PAYING JOB…in Massachusetts. We live in Connecticut. We have a house here in Connecticut. In good ol’ New London where selling your house is a losing prospect because, well, it’s New London and the City just adores low-income housing. This brings property values down for every person who owns a house here. Oh yeah and the taxes are INSANE. The school system? Yeah…roll the dice on that one. So, the chances of me being able to sell my ancestral home for a good price are very low. The chances of me being able to do that quickly are nearly non-existent.

But the job pays so damn well it’s hard to ignore. Finding a good paying job in Connecticut is like looking for a specific needle in a ‘haystack’ full of syringes. This is MORE MONEY than he’s ever made. More than I thought he’d ever make and more than he thought he’d ever pull down. The contact, it’s always a goddamn contract, is for a year and a half. Chances are he’ll get picked up at the end of it but 18 months isn’t a time frame I’m willing to pack up all of our shit, move, and try to sell the house for.

If he takes it, and it looks like he will, I’ll be ALONE 5 days a week. Utterly. Completely. Alone. I’ve never done that. I went straight from my parents’ house to hubby’s room in a boarding house. Understand we’ve been married 30 years (together for 32) and in all of that time except for the occasional hospital stay we’ve NEVER slept APART. Not only that but he’ll have to get housing in Massachusetts. We’ll be paying for two places to live, two grocery bills, two electric bills, two cable bills, and I’d like if he had Internet so we could Skype a few times a week while we’re apart. And, yep, there goes all the ‘extra’ money he’d be making.

On the plus side, given all that’s happened in the last two years, I could use the break. I really could. I could write and write and write and write my little heart out with no schedule to keep. Wouldn’t have to worry about him coming home at X time and having dinner on the table. I haven’t been able to let it flow like that in years. I would enjoy that. I would not enjoy crawling into a lonely bed every night. I’d have to get a dog, a really BIG dog. Love my cats and they love me and they love sleeping on the bed but they won’t be enough. I’ll be the Crazy Cat Lady in no time at all if I don’t get me a Saint Bernard.

AND, if he does get picked up for 5 or 7 years on the next contract, the money is so good that I could quit working altogether and move up to Massachusetts. I could write. I could be happy. That’s a big ‘if’ even though this job is with a company he’s previously worked for and they LOVE him. They are THRILLED at the opportunity to have him back in their fold. This is a FANTASTIC opportunity for him and I’m very happy for him.

The truth is, I don’t do so well alone. I don’t eat. I won’t sleep. I’ll drink a lot. That’s true, I will. So 18 months of only seeing him on the weekends is a jagged little pill to say the least no matter how good the money is. I mean even with him HERE I will often look at him and say; “I don’t feel so well.” He’ll look at me, shake his head, and say; “You’re hungry, you idiot! Get something to eat!” Sure enough he’s right. I’m just hungry. So, yeah, chances that I’ll accidentally starve to death if he’s not here are pretty high. I don’t have a lot of friends here in the Real World, never really wanted them that’s true and it’s my own fault I’m not a social person. Most people drive me crazy after a very short period of time. I live mainly in my own head with my stories and my characters. So there won’t be anyone here that I can lean on. Someone who will come over a few times, watch a movie and share a beer and a bowl of popcorn with me before they go on home.

The money is so freakin’ GOOD and the opportunity for him is AWESOME. I’d feel horrible standing in the way of that. It wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be fair of me at all. But, after the first two months or so of being alone and writing my heart out if I don’t ‘get used to it’ I’ll be miserable without him.

This is where YOU come in.

Any advice? Words of Wisdom? Anything….I’m open to any and all suggestions, comments, feedback, whatever you care to give. The floor is yours and I’m wide open. So…go for it.

About lbdarling

Beware...the truth is spoken here. If you can't handle that...buh-bye.

Posted on 15/06/2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Hmmmm….my turn to tell a story? When Al first went back to work they kept sending him out of state. He came home on Friday nights and left on Sunday nights. Barely home 48 hours. By the end of the first month (he was in Bangor) I thought I’d lose my mind! Not only was I alone but I had to do his chores as well as my own. We had dinner together every night through FaceTime on the iPhones. Somehow I managed to get through 3 months of that! Then he was home for a week or two…then off to NY, followed by PA, and a few other stops. I was grateful that he didn’t get sent out on a crew that went to VA or FL. The “away” time didn’t last, but I handled it better than I thought I would. I was very lonely at times since I’m like you and hate to be alone. But you have one thing I didn’t have – the ability to write (and very well I might add!), and that is something that you do alone! So, you and hubby need to weigh the pros and cons together. I do think it’s a smart move not to just pack it up and go in to the unknown, having the luxury of only a few states separating you instead of half the country! But you may regret not giving this great job opportunity a chance.

    • In my heart I know you’re right. I honestly believe that, in the end, when all is said and done and one has a chance to reflect on their life–no matter how briefly–it’s the things that they DIDN’T do that we end up regretting. Hubby’s going to take the job. We might go up there this weekend so just I can see the area. But this paying for two households things could be expensive. That would negate the extra money he’d be making. Decisions. Decisions.🙂
      He’ll do well at this job so that will be good. We’ll make it work and I might lose some weight…LOL.

      • You could get a small apt for him in MA and if you really can’t stand to be alone, you could move there and rent out your house until you know if his job is permanent. If he gets picked up after 18 months, then you sell. By that time you may have a great job yourself or a new novel but I wouldn’t get a dog yet. That’s a 15 year commitment.

        • Do you know of any places up that way? So far the rents are kind of nuts! I have so much stuff that the thought of packing up and moving is enough to cause a massive panic attack 😦

  2. Lisa,

    You know I live ya and u can understand the uncertainty of what may come.

    Having Ken be gone for 15 months, twice, sucks. Trust me, after a few weeks, you do get used to it. with hubby coming home on the weekends it is much better than that.

    There is a solution (s) for your what you are going through. Take it one day at a time. You are strong and together you are stonger. Heck if I need to drive up there for a “retreat”, I will.

    In today’s world, the idea that the spouses live apart during the work week are grown. Heck, even my parents have been in that situation more than once.

    I am hear for you if you guys decide to try this new, temperary section of your life together.

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