I Need a Synopsis or Confession Time
Ok, so, I NEED a synopsis for “Prodigal Son”. If anyone out there who’s read it…yeah, all four of you! LOL Wants to help me I’d appreciate it.
I suck at writing a synopsis. Just like I sucked at writing an outline for English class. I have “Literary Elephantiasis” I do. It’s true. For me, trying to condense a novel into, I dunno, 750 words or less is like asking me not to breath for 30 minutes. I just can’t do it. Hence the reason I stopped submitting to publishers eons ago. If you want to know how a story goes….READ IT, jerkwad. Don’t ask me to just hit the highlights for you, that’s cheating, you know, like reading the Cliff Notes. That’s something I never did.
I didn’t have to.
Every single book ever issued to me for English Class from 7th grade through 12th was so damn predictable I never had to read them. Not once. Oh, yeah, btw, I ACED every single test on every single one of those books because…they were predictable. If I got past Chapter Three…the rest was superfluous. In fact, I’ll list the books I actually read to The End here:
Of Mice and Men
To Kill a Mockingbird
Stranger in a Strange Land
(Friggin’….duh…on those last 3, huh? LOL)
That was it. 6 years of English class. A book a quarter and….screw that. I think it was somewhere around 10th grade that I decided I didn’t want to be one of ‘The Greats’ because they really weren’t and that includes Shakespeare. It does. I wanted to be better than that. I didn’t want to be ‘great’ I didn’t want to be ‘classic’. I wanted to be interesting.
In fact, in 9th grade we were given “Lord of the Flies” to read. I got to the point where ‘Piggy’ dies. I took the book OUTSIDE to the TRASH and threw it out. The next day I watched the garbage man take it away and I smiled as I walked to the bus stop. To this very day it is the only book I actually put in the trash. I still got A’s on the following 3 tests regarding that book without reading further. When it came time to turn it in, I looked Ms. Worth dead in the eye and told her I lost it. She was disappointed. She told me I had to pay $5.00 to replace the book. I told her it wasn’t worth that much and I handed over a five dollar bill as she sat there with her mouth agape staring at me in total disbelief.
The books that I didn’t read but still got A’s on all the tests were (to my limited aged recall)
The Great Gatsby
Romeo and Juliet
The Red Badge of Courage
The Scarlet Letter
The House of the Seven Gables
Paul’s Case (pathetic! I actually argued with Mr. Lesnowski over that one and told him flat out he was wasting my time with that crap, he was not a happy camper)
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (the movie was better)
Lord of the Flies
I, Robot (20 years later, again, the movie was better)
I, The Jury
On Walden Pond (I walked around Walden Pond…beautiful place, way better than the book)
A Farewell to Arms
Starship Troopers (horrible book and an even worse movie…oh, sorry, movies!)
And only the gods know how many others. But, like I said, force yourself to read up to and including chapter three on any of those books and it’s
I think that’s where my big aversion to writing outlines and synopses comes in. I just don’t want them to be long drawn out and a yawn fest like the above books were for me. So if you can come up with a synopsis for “Prodigal Son” I’d appreciate it.
Like I said, I never wanted to be ‘great’. But I do want to be ‘interesting’ and ‘unpredictable’.
If I’ve offended you, well, honestly, I’d say I’m sorry but I’m really not so it would be a hollow apology given only to make you feel better and I’m not into that.