I’m a Terrible Shopper

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Did anyone ever ask you the Age Old Question: If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?

My honest answer has always been; Nothing.


Over the years of my life I’ve learned I’m supposed to state something outrageous, some long held gaudy fantasy so something. I really don’t have one. So I say that I would pay off what’s left on the house, give my kids some money, and take a vacation. There, I managed to spend maybe $100,000.00 out of $1,000,000.00. Sucks, huh?

I don’t enjoy shopping at all, not online, not in malls, not in box stores. I hate it. I don’t like to go clothes shopping, shoe shopping, or jewelry shopping. Nope. I sure as hell don’t like to go car shopping, which is what we’ve been doing for the last month or so. Online cruising constantly. Meet people. Go to dealerships. Look at…cars….take test drives…do research…do it all over again. The worst part about it was that we had $10,000.00 to spend on a car and the dealers looked at us though we were poor. I don’t know about you but the most I ever spent on a car was $3,000.00 so $10,000.00 is a lot of money to me.

After much searching and hair tearing out and me finally turning to hubby in exasperation to say; Will you just buy a fucking car? I don’t care which one just buy a fucking car!

We brought this one home



It’s a Nissan Pathfinder, our very first foreign car. He’s always had foreign bike but never a car.

I guess the State of Connecticut has upped the Lemon Law price to $10,000.00 (which is why we were getting those eye rolls from salesmen). This car was $9,020.00 and we had to spend an extra $1,500.00 to get a 12 year/12,000 mile warranty. Oh yeah and…did you know dealerships charge you $500.00 just for selling you the car! Geez. Conveyance Tax they called it. Ya know, I helped close deals on houses that the Conveyance Tax Fee came to about the same price. Weird, huh?

Then after winning the Car Battle we were on to the Couch Battle.

Somebody shoot me! Please?

The last two weeks we’ve been looking for a couch. We even drew up a diagram of the living room using the exact dimensions and placing all of the furniture around the room. Pretty cool. Pretty time-consuming. Pretty much a PITA. But we did it. We discovered that we do not have enough space for a sectional. :(
The sectionals that we can find that will fit (what few there are) have no features at all. No recliner. No chaise. Nothing. I don’t want that. The kids are grown and gone, we can have a nice piece of furniture again.

At least not the most popular types in the most popular sizes. Looking at them in the showrooms I’d swear they’d fit just fine in the living room but looks can be deceiving. Just ask the lady who bought this sectional and had to return it. Bummer.



For the low low price of $1,500.00 believe me I tried my hardest and so did hubby to figure out some way…any freakin’ way…we could get it to fit. I felt bad for the original buyer as the same thing happened to me years ago at the same place, as a matter of fact. I couch shopped for weeks with my mother and we finally found a couch she agreed to buy. It was so nice! They delivered it and….it wouldn’t fit through the door. Nope. No go. No matter what. I was heartbroken.

Then, years ago when we moved into this house, we splurged on some nice new furniture….I actually plunked down $1,500.00 on a couch. Me. Well, that was about 20 years ago. AND I bought the matching love seat, altogether grand total with tax and delivery $2,300.00. We had it for ages and it was the most comfortable thing we ever owned. I would like to do that again.

Anyway, by the time the nice lady at Gorin’s Furniture finished with us today I was whooped. Again. I couldn’t even hardly see straight let along keep all of the prices, fabrics, cushion-types, and dimensions straight. I told hubby if I had any idea buying a stupid couch involved so much math I would have paid better attention in math class!

All I want is a freakin’ couch. I don’t have to worry about it breaking down on the side of the road or anything. Just that my butt gets along with it. That’s it. Can’t find one. Yes, sticker shock is a small problem but we have the money this time. No need to worry there. Still, I look at some of them and then the price and go; Seriously?

Well not this one. I’d knock out a wall to have two of these in the living room.


Yep, it sits up and it reclines all the way back to make a bed. All I need a tray table attached to the arm and I’d never ever have to move again. For $800.00/each I’d consider it a bargain. But…no. Too big.

So sad.

but not too bad. I believe I’ve finally settled on these which I knew when I sat in them I should have just jumped up and said; I’ll take them! When can you have them in my living room?



They look like a sofa and love seat but they’re actually four power recliners. The sofa’s two recliners are ‘cuddle recliners’ just the perfect size for two. I want them. Maybe an end table or two. I’d love to have the matching chair but there isn’t enough room for it. I’d love to have the chair the salesman showed me, it was perfect for me. A Goldilocks Chair for sure. These couches above…my feet don’t touch the ground on any of them, nope, they just dangle in the breeze. But he showed me this little power recliner that somebody build just for me. I’m still trying to scheme how to bring that home. Maybe I could put it upstairs and instead of a Game Room we could have a Sitting Room…a Magick Room! Oooooo. I like that idea. :)

So tomorrow I will call Bob’s Furniture, ask for Johnny the nice salesman who helped us while we were there, and buy the two piece set over the phone. Hopefully it’ll be here by the middle of the week because that old couch has got to GO! It hurts my butt. There’s no ‘deep couch sitting’ with that thing. No way.

Once this is done and now that the case is closed, hubby is back to work, the car is bought, the sidewalk is nearly done, and hubby is home healthy and sound…perhaps in a week or two the inkling to write will return. It’s been one long year. I haven’t written much of anything at all and it’s starting to wear on me.

I think I’ll sit on the deck tonight and gaze at the full blood moon. Perhaps that will help recharge me.

That and four power recliners. Should do the trick.

One Million Moms vs. Kermit the Frog

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I don’t know about you but I took…12 years of math. At times it was agonizing. It truly was. Especially when it came to algebra, which I took twice, and got a “D” in twice mainly because I got the answers RIGHT but outright refused to follow an algebraic formula to arrive at them. It was long. It was stupid. It was mundane. Honestly, it was bullshit. I don’t deal well with bullshit. To me, those ‘complicated equations’ were just simple common sense. My teachers didn’t appreciate that fact.


Oh well.

If you’re a ‘right wing Christian’ you should just click out now. OR you can argue with me. Which I will enjoy. I always derive great pleasure from nailing people to their own crosses. It’s up to you.

Anyway….do you remember these lovable characters?


I mean, do you HONESTLY remember them and not some self-indulgent little fantasy you might have rolling around in your addled pea brain. If the answer is ‘yes’ you probably don’t need to read this post. If the answer is ‘no’ or ‘I’m not sure’, read on at your own risk.

“The Muppet Show” ran from 1976 to 1981 on ABC. I was 10 in 1976 and by the time 1981 rolled around I considered myself ‘too old’ to watch some ‘stupid kid’s show’ although some of my friends felt differently. It’s true. Looking back on it, I wish I’d been one of them but I was too busy growing up to care. HOWEVER, “Muppet Babies” ran from 1984 to 1991 and by that time I had two small children who LOVED “Muppet Babies”. Therefore, I was pretty much forced to watch. Let us not forget ALL of the “Muppet” movies.

I tell ya, I loved Jim Henson. I bawled my eyes out when he died. For me, to find that his death was due to something so senseless was heart breaking. ‘Kermit the Frog’ has never been the same for me. Ever. I still have the “People” magazine announcing his death. I do. (Hell, I still have the picture of Elvis Presley in his coffin from “The Enquirer” too and a bunch of John Lennon memorabilia.) Of all the “Muppet” stuff….


Is my all-time favorite Jim Henson creation. If you don’t know what I’m talking about….for the utter LOVE of ALL the GODS ever revered by Man…go the fuck AWAY!

My oldest, Miss Nicole, ADORED “Labyrinth”. She would watch it over and over and over and over again while SCREAMING “Da Bowie! Da Bowie!” Which was good for me because I could as many hours peace as the VHS tape (cough choke) would allow. I mean she’d watch it ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT if I let her. She’d just sit there in front of the TV dancing, laughing, and singing along. That gave me the time to clean the house, relax, and, oh yeah, write.

Skip ahead to 2015 and to “One Million Moms”, a group of women who obviously failed remedial math class since, as far as I can tell from Facebook and Twitter, has far less than 100,000 members. Yes that’s 100,000 and not 1,000,000. So that group is false advertising at its worst and hubris at its best. Of course, it’s made up of, no real moms, but “Christian” moms…so-called. This is not to lump every single solitary “Christian” in with that particular group. Please don’t misunderstand this Recovering Catholic. I have a ton of Christian friends all of whom I love, cherish, and adore for the wonderful human beings they are. I have no problems with religion…at all…no matter which religion anyone may practice. Jew. Muslim. Christian. Buddhist. Pagan (like me). And more are all welcome in my life and in my heart.

Zealot? Self-righteous? Condescending? Do-It-MY-Way-or-Take-the-Highway?

The door’s over there….please use it before I throw your sorry butt through it without opening it first. I will do so without hesitation or remorse.

One thing I’ve learned as a parent is that; the REALLY GOOD “kid’s shows” are made just as much for adults as they are for kids. Personally, I believe that writers and producers do this with full knowledge of forethought and completely on purpose. Know why? It’s for double ratings. If the parents can enjoy the shows they’re pretty much forced to watch for their kid’s sake AND not feel as though their brains are melting then it’s a win for them, a win for us parents, and a win for the kids.

In retrospect, I fully realize that shows such as “The Muppets”, “Muppet Babies”, and “Rugrats” were ALWAYS very carefully constructed so that they could be enjoyed by The Entire Family. There is a shitwad of humor in all of those shows (and more) that goes right over the heads of kids yet makes adults roar with laughter. As a mom, I can remember doing several double-takes at something said on “Muppet Babies” or “Rug Rats” but having the intelligence, the Common Sense, to know it was directed at me and not my girls who were trying to snicker in these short moments and give the illusion that they understood…but they didn’t. I knew it then and I know it now.

That’s what being sentient does for a person. Face it, ABC only came out and said the reboot as ” more adult version of “The Muppet Show” because we’re dealing with an entire generation of pseudo-adults who require “trigger warnings” simply because, well, honestly, they’re morons who’ve been coddled far too long. They can’t handle their own lives let along the broader world in which they live.

Along comes Eighty-Thousand (or less) Frigid Bitches. Oh, wait, no, sorry, I mean “One Million Moms”


Who can’t add, subtract, count, or probably even actually Read-For-Comprehension the Book they claim to love so much (Yes, that would be The Bible…yes, I read it, yes I understand it…do you?) and they whine, cry, and stomp their feet not over homelessness, poverty, or even injustice but over…the ‘reboot’ of “The Muppet Show”.

First off; do you, ah, hummm, well, ah,….individuals (yeah, that’s the ticket)….have anything whatsoever to do with your lives?
Secondly; did you ever watch the original “Muppet Show”? Movies? How about “Looney Tunes”? “Duck Tales”? (Nikki and I literally DANCED around the room to that theme song!)

If you didn’t, I’m betting you didn’t get any further than “Davey and Goliath” or “Gumby”.

(For those who need a visual reference there)



Maybe you didn’t get any further than

(Did I just hurt your head? If so, I’m sorry, it hurt mine too. If not, you’re a young one please refer to Google for more information along with a freakin’ history book.)

This wonderful chick


Voiced, believe it or not, so fantastically by Frank Oz voice of ‘Yoda’, ‘Fozzie Bear’, ‘Hoggle’, ‘Ludo’, ‘Grover’, ‘Cookie Monster’, and ‘Bert’ (among others), has ALWAYS BEEN a ‘promiscuous feminist’. Oh yes she has! Do some research or just watch some old episodes of “The Muppet Show” many of which are freely available on YouTube. She hit on EVERY male guest star on the show. She’s a diva. She’s a woman. She’s uninhibited and she’s damn proud of that fact. Always has been. Always will be.

Yes, her one True Love is, was, and always will be her ‘Kermie’…that doesn’t mean she’s going to wait around for the Frog Prince forever. Nope.

No matter what anyone says (to me) ‘Bert’ and ‘Ernie’ were always “gay”. I mean, ya know, gimme a break. I’m not an idiot. If your illusions were just shattered you may be a moron. I dunno. Go take a test or something. I don’t care that they are (or are not) “gay”, they’re Muppets just like every other Muppet in Muppetland. Part of the community. Citizens.

By the way, just to make you cry, “Jareth” (Bowie”) from “Labyrinth” is nothing more than an exceedingly manipulative pedophile. (And I love that movie, always have, always will so don’t bitch at me over it.)

If YOU or 80,000 Moms don’t understand these facts I suggest you watch some old episodes of the above mentioned shows now that you’re ‘adults’ (so-called). See what you come back with. I think you’ll find that a lot of stuff went very far over your heads when you were kids. In 2015, as adults, I’m hoping you’ll be swift (that’s Yankee for ‘smart’) enough to catch those innuendos. Understand that they were always there and that perhaps you were just too young, immature, or dim-witted to catch them.

Yeah, I know,

But even ‘Red’ turned around, maybe you can too.

(I can’t watch it…I tear up when ‘Andy’ comes into the courtyard of Shawshank and tells ‘Red’ to look for the volcanic glass rock….I blubber like a baby from that point right through the end of the movie.)

I hope. Even though it is dangerous. I am Pandora’s Box with nothing left inside but Hope not for a future sterilized of all that is human but for one that is solely human. With all faults, frailties, differences, similarities, and dreams recognized.

But mostly for a future in which all humans can do simple math.

Common Core is a bitch, I know.


When it comes to ‘moms’; 80,000 < 1,000,000. Don't you think?

The Sidewalk Project

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I realize it’s been quite a while since I blogged about this, let’s just say this last week was very hectic and chaotic. It’s over now. That’s the good part. All is well so let’s just proceed from there. :)

We’ve come along way, baby!

Day #2 of the project brought us the following:







Day #3 gave us this:




And this is where we skip ahead a bit because this is the time period wherein things became Chaotic and Hectic. Pictures weren’t on my To Do List. These were taken this afternoon.




These guys are very efficient. They are already off to the other side of the street! Oh, everybody’s so happy! So happy! We don’t care everything’s a mess and parking is inconvenient for a while. We just so damn happy!



We’ve gone from this



OH, it was so nice to drive over that. You have no idea. I used to slow down a total crawl and ease the Explorer up over the humps. Hell, for YEARS I had a pile of concrete shards sitting on the corner of my front yard. I put them there because I didn’t want to get accused of ‘stealing City Property’ or anything like that. We eventually used them to shore up the drain pipes in the corners of the house. ;)

I just pulled right in after doing the grocery shopping. Woot! That was incredible.

This crew is very professional, cheerful, and personable. They’re doing an excellent job and I think the neighborhood is very glad to have them. I know I am.

The Inner Child in me is starting to peek out at the sidewalk and wonder if it might need a little color. Just a little. The sidewalk was always so crappy I could never draw on it before so….maybe I’ll find a tub of sidewalk chalk and draw a Hopscotch Board or a Smiley Face or a Rainbow. It could happen. :)

Many thanks to this hard-working crew and to whomever working within the City of New London that it was who finally recognized our dire need and did something about it. Whoever you are, you’re a Godsend. Thank you.


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